


Rainfall

by dark_and_terrible



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Jane Austen Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Oral Sex, POV Rey (Star Wars), Regency Romance, Romance, Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:23:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_and_terrible/pseuds/dark_and_terrible
Summary: Rey Darling could only think of it as the last day of her life. Her mother had been unwilling to hear her protests, and her father had disappeared like a will-o-the-wisp, gone away on the air, only to be called back by a dark night or a fairy ring. She knew he had not been in agreement with what was about to happen, but the will of her mother and the desperate need to improve their station had overrode them. It was then a horrible truth she had yet to accept: she was to be married.





	1. Arrangements and marriages

**Author's Note:**

> Listen y'all, I'm gonna try not to rely too heavily on Jane Austen because I'm sure there are a million fics that have, but I'm probably going to fail in this endeavor. I might write more of this, depending on if people are interested or not. Not sure if it's going to be slow burn, or if Rey will just do her wifely duty right away. Thoughts? Feelings? Get at me. Also, these chapters might get longer, but I am not suuure. 
> 
> I'm dark-and-terrible on tumblr, send me a message or follow me!  
> do you like this work? buy me a coffee!  
> link can be found over @ my tumblr http://dark-and-terrible.tumblr.com/

The day was to prove to be a warm one. Rey Darling could only think of it as the last day of her life. Her mother had been unwilling to hear her protests, and her father had disappeared like a will-o-the-wisp, gone away on the air, only to be called back by a dark night or a fairy ring. She knew he had not been in agreement with what was about to happen, but the will of her mother and the desperate need to improve their station had overrode them. It was then a horrible truth she had yet to accept: she was to be married. 

She had gotten up early with the intent of slipping away unnoticed. Her intent might have been to run away, but she realized she couldn't fathom putting the shame of that on her family. She had seen 'compromised' women in the town, begging for coin with whatever they had to give. She realized that it might have been her future if she ran away from her predestined course. She had dressed in a white morning gown, though it felt much more like 'mourning' in her estimation. She'd gathered up her favorite, worn novel and gone traipsing through the undergrowth around the family estate. 

It was hard to wander too far. She came up against the town of Jakku before she meant to, and she could hear the bustle of a morning just beginning even at the edges of it. She skated by the shop, glancing in the window to find that the shopkeeps had put up new dresses, most of them flannel and plaid, in shades that Rey was not sure should ever be put together. It was easy to feel as if this was just any other morning, not the morning that would preview the day that would change her life forever, irrevocably. 

She knew that if she wandered too long, her mother would send the servants after her. Rey hated to be trouble, but she wished she could wander so far that no one would ever find her....especially not Kylo Ren. She had been with him in company only two times, both of which had left a foul taste in her mouth. Rey was used to being jovial and witty, and Kylo Ren was neither. His replies were monosyllabic, and she thought that perhaps it might suit him better to just grunt them out. What need had he for forming words? He was far too rich for that. He could have his servants reply for him. 

The second time he had cornered her out on the balcony, forcing her to converse with him. It had only been minutes, but any length of time seemed like too long. He neither knew what to say, nor cared about how to carry on a conversation. She thought of how he looked on her way back home, his long hair styled away from his face which could only be described as 'broody' and 'pouting'. He had a heavy brow, and each emotion registered briefly across his face before he carefully schooled it into compliance. It was easier to read Latin than it was to read Ren. He was too stormy by half, and nothing like the blond haired, dashing Prince she had often dreamed of. 

The shabby Darling estate came on her like a bad dream - too soon. The Ivy threatened to strangle the stone walls whole, and her father had been meaning to 'mend' the shutters on the windows for eons now, but they stood half ajar, hanging from their frames like drooping and dying flowers. She wondered if they would be repaired, now that she was to marry the richest man in the county...perhaps even in the country. He was the heir to a great fortune, the first born son of the Solos, who (her mother had it on good authority) brought in over ten thousand a year. 

Rey barely had time to think on it before her mother came running out to meet her. She was an exasperated woman whose hair had gone gray at the temples. She used tight curlers, giving her the mocking air of an old woman who still tried to appear young. She was still wearing her house dress, and her cap had gone askew on her head from the activity. Rey could see the dust gathering on her slippers, which had seen better days. 

"My goodness!" She exclaimed, grabbing Rey forcefully by her wrists and dragging her in the direction of the house. "We began to wonder if you'd ever come back!"  
"Mother, wait," Rey struggled against the vice grip her mother had on her, but it was no use.  
"You have already wasted enough time!" She exclaimed. "We hardly have enough time to dress you before we must go to the church! You do not want to risk him changing his mind, do you?" 

Rey kept dreaming about someone swooping in and saving her from this, but she realized that there was no one to stop the marriage. Of course, there had been a flirtatious dalliance or two with the officers that occasionally posted in Jakku, but nothing had ever stuck. Her mother had made it quite apparent that unless he brought in an income, there was to be no promise of marriage. Rey had thought this was what kept her from marrying previously, but she realized with some sadness that she had neither loved, nor cared about these men. At least she had tolerated them. It was not so with Kylo Ren. 

Rey found herself ushered in the direction of her room. The one maid they were able to accommodate would assist her with her dress, though Rey found the room empty as of yet. The gown had been given to her some time ago, placed in a box too fine for anything with a hand written note from Ren. She hardly recalled what the note had said. It was expected that she should wear this gown. It wouldn't be tolerated if she showed up in one of her ratty old country bumpkin dresses. She supposed, when she looked at it, she was meant to feel wonder, but it struck no similar cord in her. 

Eventually, Hen came in and helped her out of her morning gown. The hem was covered in mud, and she wondered if she would ever wear it again. She didn't doubt that there was already a wardrobe full of clothes waiting for her at the large estate of the First Order. She gasped and struggled as Hen sucked her into a too tight corset, drawing it so tightly that Rey was sure she heard some of her ribs cracking beneath the pressure. Her long, dark hair was twisted up around a crystalline headband. The style was youthful, the headband peeking through her dark curls. She adjusted it as Hen dragged out the gown, glittering with bead work hand sewn onto embroidered muslin.

She felt it slide down over her frame, silk whispering against the bare bits of her flesh. Hen buttoned it up efficiently, standing back with a measure of pride reflected on her features. 

"You look lovely, miss," She sighed. "What a finely made gown," 

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

"Thank you, Hen," She muttered. "I appreciate your kindness,"  
"Oh my, don't be so formal with me! I know you are miserable about this," She frowned. "Just think of his money! That would be enough to cheer anyone," 

Rey felt her jaw clench up. That seemed to be the excuse that everyone gave for him, just as they excuse the crassness of her family because they had 'fallen upon hard times'. Hen didn't seem to notice the look of displeasure as it crossed her features. 

"Be on your way now, miss! Your parents are waiting with the carriage," 

Rey lifted the gown in her hand, trying to keep the hem from dragging in the dust outside of their small cottage. Her mother looked pleased, and her father wasn't even looking at her. He was a drawn man who seemed displeased with every thing in his life, but Rey could not blame him. She knew her mother, after all. The carriage was not theirs. It was a large thing, black, with all the accouterments of a man who had something to prove by riding around the countryside in such a beast. Of course, she had never seen Ren on anything excepting a horse. 

She had only the ride to the church to try and settle herself with the idea that, by that evening, she was to be a married woman. 

Mrs. Ren.


	2. Yellow Lillies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She listened for the words: Therefore, if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace, but they were met with only silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> initial response for this was okay-ish! will keep writing shortish chapters so i can update faster.

The church was not the largest, or the best, but it did just happen to be the nearest. It was the one that she and her family attended each Sunday since Rey could remember, and there were stragglers placed outside. The bell rang, and the footman helped Rey out of the carriage. This was how it was to be, such a huge and difficult change, and she was just expected to walk right into the church, freely. 

Rey was trying not to think about it. 

Events became a blur after she set foot on the ground. She took a moment to remember the shape of her white, satin slippers, beaded at the front with a slight lift at the back. She couldn't help but think how odd it was to see her foot in such a fine pair of shoes. She remembered her father grasping her hand and trying to steady her, as it seemed she might topple underneath the weight of what she was about to do at any moment. 

She thought to whisper a pleading word or two to her father, but she realized that it wouldn't make much of a difference. She was here, in the dress that Mr. Ren had purchased for her, a gauzy veil slung over her dark, doe-eyed features. She looked up briefly, finding that Ren was already there. He stood tall in a finely tailored waist coat, and over it was buttoned a tail coat. His cravat was finely made, though it had the odd effect of making him look even larger at the chest. He wore Hessian boots, which were not the thing when it came to formal wear, but who did he have to challenge him? He also kept his hair far too long to be in style, though it was curled back away from his strange, jarring face.

The walk to the alter went by quickly, and she found her father releasing her hand. She wanted to cling to him, but she turned back to see the entire church full of silent watchers, and her own sense of modesty took over. She would not be a crying, fainting bride. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of laughing at her, especially since many probably considered her to be lucky. She certainly noticed a few teary eyed young women in the back of the church, mourning the loss of such a fine bachelor. Rey's eyes landed on Kylo's mother, who looked regal. Rey was sure she spied a bit of concern there, on her features. His father twiddled, as if he had been in the church too long already.

Rey forced herself to turn and face her future husband. He looked at her with an expression she couldn't decipher, his mouth pressed into a line. His eyes were drawing, amber hued in the light of the church. Rey could see the dust motes floating idly by as the sunlight streaked through. She had all but forgotten the flowers in her hand, bright, sunny yellow lilies. Someone took them for her, and she found her hands taken by his. He was wearing kit gloves, though she could feel the warmth of his hands through them. It was too intimate, and she forced herself to look away from the sight of her small hands dwarfed in his larger ones. 

That left his face, which she examined freely. She was distracted by the Vicar, who began the words that went along with this ceremony. She couldn't focus on them, no matter how much she tried. She listened for the words: Therefore, if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace, but they were met with only silence. 

She watched as the Vicar handed over the ring, and eyed it glinting in the light as Ren took it in hand. Ren repeated the words, and slid it onto her finger. She was doing her best to hold back her tears, though she had a good deal still of the ceremony left to get through. There were prayers, and the vicar lead the assembly through them with the skill of a man who had done this a few times before. It was an extremely long ceremony, but by the end of it, Rey wished she had been paying more attention. It felt over far too soon. 

They stopped at the register and signed their names. For a brief moment, Rey considered signing someone else's name, but there were witnesses. She scribbled it down quickly, trying to get it over with as soon as possible. She watched as Ren scratched his own in a surprisingly elegant hand, and there it was. They were then married. 

There were lines of people standing in the sunlight, waiting for them to exit the church. Rey's eyes had adjusted to the darker light of the church, and she squinted against the warm sunlight. She tried to smile, tried her best not to look as miserable as she felt. She tried to ignore the looming presence of her husband, her hand placed on his arm as he lead her from the church. She had barely been allowed to be alone with men, and now she had touched one twice in a day. 

They tossed flower petals, and then she found herself hoisted up into an open air carriage that was white, decorated in the manner of the day. She barely had time to examine the pure opulence of it, and when she looked up she found her husband tossing coins to those who remained in front of the church - watching as they scrambled for a share of his wealth. It was common to do, but she couldn't tell if he took any pleasure in it. It was difficult to say that he took any pleasure in any of this, but she had to wonder why he had been so insistent on marrying her. Surely, there were women who were better suited for him in wealth and prominence. 

There was to be a breakfast after the ceremony, held on the lawn of Ren's sprawling estate. She felt herself jerked forward as Ren indicated the carriage should go on, and she was unsteady enough to be uprooted from her place. She fell against Ren, whose long limbs were hard to avoid in the small space. She felt him grab her biceps and hoist her up, he did so as if it was no never mind, and she looked up to him. There was a brief moment where they looked at one another in total silence, and Rey felt the hot rush of embarrassment turning her cheeks a distinct color of beet red. He deposited her back onto her side of the carriage immediately, and took a seat, his gaze turned towards the dusty road. 

She didn't know what to say to him, and was so surprised by the swiftness of his motion that she couldn't even mutter a cursory thank you. She watched his profile, looking for any signs that he was ruffled, and found none. 

It was going to be a long day. 

Rey was glad for the end of the drive when it came. She found herself trying to talk to him and realizing she had nothing to say to him. They were complete strangers. She kept thinking about the strength of his grip, and how he had quickly and easily hoisted her out of his lap. She felt as if it might have been disgust, and by the end of the journey she had convinced herself that it likely was. She couldn't imagine it, why such a man would want to marry her. He had to have ulterior motives, certainly. 

He helped her down from the carriage, pulling away so abruptly that she nearly stumbled. She managed to catch herself before she was tugged in the direction of the party. There were those that had been at the church, and those that had not been, only willing or able to attend the afterward. They gave them a round of applause, and Rey flushed hot with shame all over again. It seemed like such a mockery, all of this happiness when she felt so utterly miserable. 

She quickly lost sight of Ren, who was carried off by his parents to meet some people that were obviously very important to meet. Rey wandered idly. There were tents to keep the revelers cool, and there was a ridiculous amount of food spread out at tables. Rey had never had champagne, so when someone offered her a flute of it, pretty colored and bubbling, she was hard pressed to say no. She took a sip, finding that it almost immediately made her feel a bit strange. 

She took a bite of food from the spread, thinking it was rather more like afternoon tea than a wedding party. People came up to her and examined her ring, and her dress. They fawned over how pretty she was, and how lucky she was, and she managed to somehow take all of their confabulations in stride. When it became apparent that she'd had too much champagne, her mother grabbed her arm roughly and tugged her out of the circle. 

"You are drunk!" She seethed out, as quietly as she could. She watched as her mother took her half full flute and tossed it out onto the grass. She flushed, turning to find that the entire party was watching them both. "I taught you better than this, certainly," 

She looked up to find that Ren was standing there, having broken off from wherever he was. He gently unclasped her arm from her mother, and smiled at her in a quiet fashion. Rey found herself pulled away, like so much of the day, she felt as if she was just a pretty bauble to be turned around, poked at, and moved all about creation. She glanced up to Ren, who had a firm hold on her. She was focused on trying not to stumble. 

"You look younger when you smile," She blurted out. 

No reply. 

She found herself pulled up the stairs, though she didn't try to protest. She didn't know where he was taking her until she was placed in the rooms that were obviously set up as her chambers. She saw her cases, still packed, and all of the new items that had been purchased for her as his bride. She was about to stammer out a thank you when he interrupted her, holding up his hand firmly. 

"Get some rest," 

She tried to give out a thank you in reply, but he slammed the door in her face.


	3. Champagne and claret miseries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His lips were on hers, firm and unyielding, and he kissed her with such an intensity of feeling she could barely make sense of it. Her body reacted, and she stiffened up, her lips no longer pliant to his. It continued until she pushed back, trying to get free of his grasp. Rey had been expecting to feel disgust, but it wasn't there. However, once she looked at Ren's features, she realized he was feeling the sting of rejection.

Rey thought it was lucky that her husband had his own bedroom. It wasn't common for married couples to share rooms, unless they didn't have the means to keep separate rooms. Kylo Ren certainly did, and this room was meant entirely for her. Rey had fallen asleep on the foreign bed, her thoughts as bubbly as the champagne that she'd over-sampled previously. She woke up hearing hushed voices at her door, though they grew in pitch and noise the closer she got to the door. She listened, recognizing Ren's deep voice immediately, as it cut through the air with a sharp quality. The other voice she did not recognize, kinder than his, and obviously that of a woman. 

"She's still young, Ren," The woman attempted to whisper. "She's away from her home for the first time in the house of a near stranger,"  
"She is my wife, and if she accepted the position she should accept all that comes with it,"  
"Ren," The woman said, her voice pitching low to show her discontent. "Try to be kind to her," 

Rey didn't consider herself young. She was the ripe old age of twenty-three, and Kylo himself was thirty-three, still considered a young man. She, however, had been considered an old maid. Her prospects had been dire, and her parents had reminded her of it every chance they had gotten. They were in debt, with a daughter who had no viable suitors...until Kylo Ren had come along. It wasn't as if there hadn't been suitors, but they had all been poor, and Rey had not been allowed to marry of them. She heard of girls who eloped to far away shores with the men she loved, but Rey wasn't sure she had ever been prepared to throw off her family in such a permanent way. 

It had been a card party where they had been introduced. Her father had introduced himself to Ren once he'd returned home from god-knows-where, and they had been invited to the card party. Whisk, which Rey had no talent or care for. She had somehow ended up at Ren's table. He was mostly silent, but when she made a few fumbles and made it clear that she wasn't very good at cards, he spoke. 

"Do not they teach young ladies how to play cards with some finesse? I had believed you had time to learn out here in the country,"  
"Yes, sir," She said with a smile. "Along with embroidery, which I have taken to with even less skill," She said, laying down her cards and glancing at him with defiant eyes. "You'll excuse me," She stood up, and he looked at her.  
"Come now, Miss Darling. Surely you're not offended,"  
"Being offended would mean that I would have to show a good amount of care for your opinion," She admitted. "And I do not," 

Her mother made excuses for her, something she was always doing, before she continued on chattily about how fine Ren's house was. It was the longest conversation she'd had with him before he had made an offer for her hand. Her father had agreed, and there she stood, in his home the room growing chill as the evening fell. She hadn't taken her wedding dress off, and she had been thinking of doing so when she heard a faint knock at the door. It was Ren, who called out 'Miss Darling', quietly. She thought it was odd that he was still calling her by her maiden name, considering they were now married. She knew he could just come in, should he please to, and was thankful he did not. 

She didn't respond. She hoped he would believe her asleep and leave her alone, still giddy with champagne. She stood still, afraid he would hear her breathing. She thought she heard him move away from the door, and began to try and work her wedding dress off. It had begun to feel like a noose, or one of those strangulation jackets she read about in novels. She took a deep breath as she began to undo the strands on her corset, feeling her ribs set free as she thumped it aside. It was too late when she heard the door knob turn. She hadn't locked it, and Ren came in, obviously expecting to find her asleep. 

Instead, he found her in her underthings, standing in front of the bed with her mouth open. He looked shocked as well, his eyes looking her up and down before he had the mind to look away from her, an attempt to save her modesty. 

"It is not common to knock here?" She gasped out, using her arms to cover her small breasts, barely hidden behind her camisole.  
"I did!" He blustered, and she was sure she saw a faint red dusting his cheeks. Maybe it was wishful thinking.  
"Please, go!" Rey said, wondering why he was still standing there.  
"I will send someone to light the fire," He stammered, slamming the door behind him and leaving her alone once more.  
Rey's face felt hot, and it took her a few moments to regain her composure.

Rey didn't know where her sleeping items were, so she was thankful when she found a cotton gown obviously meant for bed folded up in the overlarge (mahogany inlaid with semi-precious stone) closet Ren had gifted her with. There were clothes of all shapes and sizes, in colors that reminded her of treats put out at a tea service. They weren't at all her preference, as she was often found in homespun browns and earthy tones. She touched the dresses in awe, they were too fine to be worn. She had gone from being very poor to incredibly rich overnight. 

None of it was money she had earned. She was entirely dependent on her new husband. She realized she had a headache. She had yet to realize it was a downfall of the champagne. 

Rey knew there were expectations of a bride, mostly through town gossip and conversations with other women. Her parents had never been willing to explain it too much, but she'd heard enough about wedding nights to know that Ren might very well show up here with just those expectations. She had been trying to avoid the thought, and she wished there was something, anything she could do to keep her mind off of it. The servant came and went, lighting the fire in the fireplace and leaving her with a tray of tea and biscuits. She ate them quickly, unaware of how hungry she'd been. 

She fell asleep again, curled up at the end of the bed like she was a girl who had just sneaked into her parents room, afraid of some swirling ghost or spectral phantom that she'd imagined up after reading too many ghost stories. 

She was woken up in the middle of the night by a light knocking. The fire had burned down to orange embers, and the room had gotten chilly. She wrapped her shawl over her shoulders, unaware of the fact that maybe she should not answer the door in the middle of the night. She was still blinking the sleep out of her eyes when she realized that she'd just opened the door for her husband, who was standing there in his shirt sleeves, undone and ruffled, hanging loosely around his frame. He had a candle in hand, which cast a glow over his striking features, making the deep pools of his strange eyes even more apparent. He looked...confused. Like he'd come here with a purpose, but he'd somehow lost his way. 

She saw the planes of his bare chest, noted the warm glow of light catching the low lights in his dark hair. His feet were bare. He pushed the door open and she stepped backwards, her heart sinking into her stomach when she realized why he was there. The door shut behind him, and they stood a few inches away from each other, staring one another down. Rey gathered her shawl tightly around her shoulders, and wondered if he would say anything. 

He didn't. 

She felt the need to stand her ground as he set the candle down, taking another short step forward. She smelled claret on him immediately, and realized he'd been sampling it just as heavily as she might have champagne. She had smelled it on her father's breath enough to know what it was. His face was softer than she remembered it, his eyes more like wells of emotion rather than hard and flinty. She wasn't expecting what he did next, since she did not know what to expect. 

His lips were on hers, firm and unyielding, and he kissed her with such an intensity of feeling she could barely make sense of it. Her body reacted, and she stiffened up, her lips no longer pliant to his. It continued until she pushed back, trying to get free of his grasp. Rey had been expecting to feel disgust, but it wasn't there. However, once she looked at Ren's features, she realized he was feeling the sting of rejection. 

"Ren, I--" She started, but he didn't let her finish. He grasped the candle and left the room, leaving her standing there in the dark, running a confusing gamut of emotions in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i'll stop updating now for awhile i swear. should these chapters be longer? y/n circle one
> 
> p.s he will sit there consumed with lust for the rest of the night


	4. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked up, finding that Ren was still standing. He had his arm outstretched, motioning that she should sit beside him. She had a mind to refuse him, silently, but instead she moved to sit beside him. Ren smelled vaguely of pine and peppermint. She found it wasn't unpleasant. It was a bright smell, intermingled with soap. She could tell there were questions he wanted to ask her, but they were in company, and he wouldn't ask them. He kept looking as if he'd make a start, only to shut his mouth and turn his attention away from her. His countenance was stormy, however. She wished she could read his thoughts, for just a moment.

❦

Rey paced before the sun rose, until her feet were frozen and her eyes were heavy. She couldn't go back to sleep, however. The sun rose with all of it's inevitability, tossing pastel colors across the sky before it was so bright that Rey made up her mind to wash up and get dressed. Her thoughts were on the kiss, her first, and how she wished (for some reason), that she hadn't tensed up and shoved him away. Why was she wishing such a thing? She realized that in this situation, she hated the circumstances. She couldn't quite say she hated him, however. The feel of his lips had only stirred up more uncertainty.

She hardly knew him. It wasn't fair of her to judge him just because they'd had one unpleasant conversation. It was so odd to consider him her husband, however, and every time she realized that's what he was, it nearly stole her breath from her. She wanted to spend the day hiding away in her bed chamber, but she bore herself up bravely and got dressed in the simplest gown she could find. She shrugged her shawl around her shoulders and allowed the maid to pin up her long hair. 

When she shut the door behind her, she found the hall empty. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but maybe she was expecting that all the party goers would be standing there, waiting to judge her for her next failure. She remembered very little about this place, and where to go, so when she had to stop a servant to ask she felt twice as embarrassed. She found her way to the dining hall, eventually. She expected to find Ren there, but at the head of the table was his mother. She had elegantly coiffed graying hair, and she had chosen to wear fashions that were rather more eastern than what was in style. She was draped in vibrant colored silks that had probably come all the way from across the world. 

"Good morning," She said jovially, setting her tea cup down with the barest clink. "I had wondered if you would find your way down to us eventually. Please, sit," She motioned to the empty chairs to either side of her.  
"Good morning," Rey said. "Is it only you, this morning?"  
"Oh, you're referencing my bear of a son, I'm sure," She smiled at Rey once she sat down. "He was here early, and gone again just as quickly," She said. "Eat something. I am sure you're hungry," 

Rey reached for what was laid out, a sort of cold meat pie with biscuits and jam. She leaned back as one of the servers poured tea out for her, which she drank without anything in it, hoping it would brace her for what was to come. She had met Ren's mother in passing, and found that she liked the woman more than she intended to. She was warm in ways that her son was not, and Rey hardly felt the harsh sting of judgement coming from her, like she might with so many who were in her position. She was a well traveled woman with a good deal of money, and in society that often gave a person an excuse to look down at others. 

Leia watched her eat with some interest, seeming to want to make sure she did eat something. Rey stayed silent for a few moments, unsure of what to say. To occupy her hands, she reached out to grasp her tea cup, only to realize she was shaking. 

"Oh, my dear," Leia said, reaching out to rest her hands atop her own. "I'm sure that this is all very concerning for you," She said simply. "I am not usually here, you know, and my husband has already gone back to town," She sighed. "But I requested to stay to hopefully make this transition a bit easier on you,"  
"Transition?"  
"Yes, the keys, the house...of course you'll be in charge of it, now," 

She hadn't had time to think about what her duties might be, but when she recalled how her mother handled their own home, she recalled that this was most often the job of a fine lady, to make sure that the estate was running smoothly. 

"Am I to take over these duties today?" She tried another sip of tea, finding her hands had steadied once Leia had taken hers away.  
"No, I'll take them over in the interim," She admitted. "It would be a horrible mess to try and give all of what is done at once over to you," She smiled. "I hardly can keep up with it, which is why my son lives here and not me," She laughed, nibbling at something. "Today I was hoping you might find some interest in acquainting yourself with the place, and then accompanying me on a ride. Do you ride?"  
"I have little experience with horses," She admitted.  
"Well, we can remedy that in due time,"  
"Will...Ren be back?"  
"I don't rightly know," She admitted. "And anyway, who needs him?" 

❦

Rey was set free from the breakfast table after she'd finished her food. The house was alive with activity, though there were nooks and crannies of it that seemed to go largely untouched. Rey thought of her small cottage, and how it might benefit her family to have some extra space. It all went to waste, here. She found herself wandering down a long hallway full of portraits. She was forced, by some curiousity, to stop in front of the large one of Ren. He looked resolute, his face a mask of no emotion. He was wearing a uniform, and Rey realized he'd been in the company. She wondered at it, a rich man willingly going to war. 

She stood there staring at it for a long time before she continued on her way, keeping an eye out for the library. She wasn't unimpressed when she found it, it was huge, the shelves full of bound books. She ran her fingers along some of their spines, finding a section of them that had no binding at all, except for maybe string. She moved over to the desk, finding papers strewn atop it. She recognized Ren's hand, and she lifted up one of the papers and read the words, realizing they were dealings with tenants, servants, orders and the like. One paper stood out to her, as it looked to be the beginnings of a poem. She wouldn't have expected it from him. She folded it up and slid it into the pocket of her apron.

It was strange to be here in a near strangers home where he obviously permeated every corner of it. She glanced up at a noise, finding his mother opening the door. She smiled awkwardly, still feeling uncomfortable with her, but the ice felt as if it was thawing. Rey wondered why she had come to find her, instead of just sending a servant. 

"I'm afraid there's to be no riding today," She offered. "I suppose we'll have to go tomorrow," Leia pointed to the window. It was raining.  
"Oh, well, that's too bad," Rey said, awkwardly smiling.  
"Will you have supper with us?" She asked, as if it were Rey's choice.  
"Of course," Rey said in reply, though she wondered who 'us' was. 

Rey was to find out later that evening, who Leia meant. She had spent the day acquainting herself with the house. She'd gotten curious enough to seek out the kitchen, watching the work going on like a finely tuned machine she'd once seen at a fair. She had been forced to dress for dinner, choosing a gown that was a deep copper color. It had a bustle on it, and she felt a bit ridiculous in it. It had a low cut, revealing the small, glittering cross she wore on her chest. The maid had helped her curl and pin her hair up, and Rey had been unable to talk her out of pinning small, coppery jewels into her mass of hair. She didn't even recognize herself when she spied herself in the looking glass. 

She was lead to the drawing room, where she found a few people in repose. Her eyes went immediately to her husband, who was dressed in formal wear. She was sure she had never imagined him in tights, but there he was. His coat was a dark burgundy, and she noted the circles underneath his eyes. He stood when she came in, giving a short bow after buttoning his coat. It appeared as if he had gotten even less sleep. Leia rose up, happy to see her. Rey gave a short curtsy to the new company, remaining silent while Leia introduced them. 

"Rey, this is Colonel Hux," She said, smiling. "He and Ren have been friends for ages," She motioned to the only other woman standing in the room. "And this is his wife, Ginger," 

More curtsies were given, but Rey found herself immediately uneasy when she saw the look on their faces. It was a sneer that was barely hidden in a smile, and Rey knew almost immediately, before she had even opened her mouth, that they did not approve of her. They were sharp looking people. Hux's hair was a shade of orange she had never seen, and his face had the distinct fashion of always looking as if he was smelling or seeing something horrible. His wife had much the same look, though her hair was a mousy, dirty blond. She had curled it into tight corkscrews and bunched it up on either side of her head, which gave her the decided look of a poodle. 

"We began to think we should never see you," Ginger said, taking a seat by her husband after smoothing out her pastel pink gown. She had an air of trying to never grow old, which only made her look older.  
"I am not yet accustomed to the workings of the house," She tried, apologetically.  
"Well, why should you be," Hux said, his voice unmistakably posh. He came from town, to be sure. "You've barely spent a day in it,"  
"Please, sit," Leia said, her eyes on Rey. She got the feeling she was being tested for some reason. 

She looked up, finding that Ren was still standing. He had his arm outstretched, motioning that she should sit beside him. She had a mind to refuse him, silently, but instead she moved to sit beside him. Ren smelled vaguely of pine and peppermint. She found it wasn't unpleasant. It was a bright smell, intermingled with soap. She could tell there were questions he wanted to ask her, but they were in company, and he wouldn't ask them. He kept looking as if he'd make a start, only to shut his mouth and turn his attention away from her. His countenance was stormy, however. She wished she could read his thoughts, for just a moment. 

"How do you find it?" Ginger asked. She had a nasally, high pitched tone.  
Rey looked at her, blankly.  
"The house, dear,"  
"Oh," Rey said. "It's very lovely, quite large,"  
"Surely larger than anything you've seen," Ginger said, a mean smile creasing her features.  
"Yes, surely," Rey said, feeling sarcastic. "We common folk are only used to small cottages with smoking fireplaces and pokey hallways," 

She heard Ren cough, setting his tea cup down with a small clink. 

"You will come to find it small, I'm sure," Leia said, magnanimously. "Between Ren and all of the servants," She smiled kindly in Rey's direction.  
"It could do with some new decoration," Ginger said. "It's very English," Her tone lowered conspiratorially.  
"I hate this talk," Hux said. "And what is wrong with that? It's refreshing to see that he hasn't succumbed to the French way of decorating, like so many of our neighbors,"  
"This is unfortunate talk," Ren agreed, his voice a deep rumble beside her. It caused goosebumps to rise up her neck, a shock-wave up her spine as she realized how close he was.  
"Unfortunate because your home looks very English, or unfortunate because you don't seem to care to keep up with the current fashions?" Rey asked, realizing it had left her even before she had thought about it.  
"Both," He laughed, surprised, though when she looked back at him his face quickly became impassable. 

It was the most she'd ever gotten from him, excepting the conversation they'd had while playing whisk. They were rescued from the conversation as the valet announced that dinner was ready. It wasn't completely uncomfortable. Topics were kept generally to polite matters. The weather and what type of fabric Ginger preferred for the best gown. She talked excessively of fraying and embroidery and Rey was sure she might fall asleep, right into the first course. Hux and Ren eventually broke off, speaking among themselves and disappearing into the study to drink and smoke. 

The night felt long, and as soon as it became acceptable to excuse herself from the conversation, she did. Leia grasped her arm kindly and dropped a kiss to each one of her cheeks. 

"Sleep well, my dear," She replied, and Rey felt more motherly concern rolling off of her than she'd ever felt coming from her own mother, who had seemed singularly obsessed with getting her married. 

Rey got turned around on the way back to her room, and there was no one about to direct her. She paused when she heard voices coming from behind a slightly opened door, and she smelled the cigar smoke and realized that her husband was beyond that door. It wasn't common to interrupt them here, and she was about to head off when she heard them speaking over the clack of billiard balls. 

"I'm not sure you were in your right mind," Hux said. "She is too small and too brown for my liking. If you wanted to bed a country girl, I'm sure there are plenty who would suffice without the requirement of marriage," 

Ren didn't respond, but she heard the loud noise of the stick impacting the ball. She jumped, covering her mouth so that they wouldn't hear her gasp. Rey felt her pride bruise, and was wondering why he hadn't jumped to his own defense. Was it perhaps because he thought Hux was right? She wondered, if they didn't consummate the marriage, would he send her home with only the clothes on her back? She couldn't imagine the reaction her mother might have to that. 

"You always did have a preference for ugly women," Hux paused. "I suppose it's better than the gossip that you were never to be married at all," 

Rey frowned, and despite her best attempts, she felt the sting of tears gathering in her eyes. 

"Oh, do shut up, Hux," Ren said, his voice low and a bit dangerous. "It's your turn,"

❦

Rey quietly found her way back to her room alone, sniffling. It wasn't like her to be offended about a man calling her ugly, and she couldn't quite decipher why it had upset her so. She was determined to brush it off, she was determined to prove that if this was to be her lot, she would at least excel at it. Angrily, she plucked the jewels from her hair and unpinned it before she began yanking the ludicrous dress off. She found her cotton gown and slid it on over her head, grabbing her shawl and wrapping it tightly around herself before she shuffled over to the bedchamber door. She locked it with a 'hmph'. She would disobey her new husband in small ways, by denying him access to her room.

She took a seat at her newly minted desk, pulling out a piece of paper and preparing it for a letter. She found a half full pot of ink and dipped her nib into it, beginning to scratch out a letter for her friend who remained in Jakku. She felt friendless and adrift, and she wished Rose was there then to speak with her about it, as the woman had a good sense of how to soothe over silly hurts. 

_Rose -_

_How I wish that you could see this place! So large and nonsensical, but by it's Masters estimation it can only be considered the finest home in the entire country. I am not sure what he must have been thinking to consider this match, and I am not sure how I am to find myself lucky with it. We hardly know one another, and can barely speak in full sentences to one another. His friends do not approve of me, and the only granule of kindness I receive is from his mother, who seems to like me despite all appearances that her son has made a foolish match. Surely, if one was to make such a match it would be at the cost of losing true love!_

Rey paused, thinking briefly on it before deciding that this could NOT have been his reason. Pressing her pen to the paper, she continued on. 

_There is nothing of me here, as if by drips and drops he is trying to wash away who I was to make a more acceptable version of me. You must come here as soon as you can. I am in need of friends in such a place, and I am not sure how to survive it without your good council. Send your reply to the post in Jakku, as it will give me a chance to escape this monstrous house, and I worry my letters might not be safe from prying eyes._

_All my love,  
Rey Darling_

She leaned back, realizing she had signed her maiden name. She took a separate piece of paper and scrawled out her married one. Rey Ren. She didn't like the look of it, as Darling was so much more charming. She scribbled over it with a firm hand, pressing so hard that the nib on the pen broke, flinging dark ink every which way. She sighed, a sigh with gradually turned into a groan, before she crumpled up the piece of paper, tore it into bits and tossed it into the bin. 

She fell asleep angry, the anger covering up an attempt to soothe herself of her own hurt feelings. Ugly indeed! 

She woke up to a rap of knuckles on her door. The sun had barely risen, filling the room with light. Rey blinked, her hair a birds nest around her head, indicating she'd tossed and turned in the night. She smoothed it down as best she could, wrapping her shawl around herself and moving to open the door. The floor was dreadfully chill against her bare feet, and she wondered if she might be able to request a carpet of sorts. 

She was surprised to find her husband standing there. He was wearing a riding uniform and a great coat. She was glad to find he had opted to avoid a top hat, considering he was already tall enough - though she could see it in his hands, stuffed with a pair of leather gloves. 

"It's good weather for riding," He muttered. "You'll accompany me,"  
"What? I-I don't know how to ride,"  
"My mother is feeling unwell, and she said she promised you a ride," He persisted. "I would hate to let a promise go unanswered. Get dressed," 

She realized he wasn't looking at her, far preferring to keep his eyes heavenward. Was he looking for birds? 

"I really cannot.." She attempted.  
"Mrs. Ren," He said, firmly. "As my wife, you'll do me this favor," He clenched his teeth. "Please," 

It was a bit shocking to hear him call her that, she was unused to it. She realized she might not be able to beg off so easily without causing a scene, and she wondered if his ire would be worse for doing so. She watched him fidget, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide in surprise. 

"Well?"  
"Uh, yes," She stammered, closing the door on him gently. 

Her riding clothes were diaphanous at best, made of a navy blue color the likes of which she'd never seen. She wore boots, and atop her head was a small hat complete with a veil. Rey wasn't fearful of horses, she'd just never had the means to learn how to ride one. It hadn't seemed important, considering that most refined young women knew how, and she had never thought of herself as such. 

She found him standing in the entry way, and she moved to him. She watched him put the top hat on, thinking he looked silly with it. He was already so tall. She was proud of herself when she realized she hadn't laughed. He would have plenty of opportunity to tease her, however. The horses were saddled, and he tried to help her up onto the great beasts' back. She had no skill with it, and after about an hour of malformed attempts to get her to ride alone (the horse had rocketed off, forcing her to lean forward and grasp the beasts neck, a supposedly gentle horse reared and nearly knocked her off, etc). 

Rey flushed after having to right herself from the dirt, turning to find he was trying not to laugh at her. He had a smile that crinkled up his face in an interesting way, and it made him seem more approachable. 

"Don't laugh," She murmured, grumpy.  
"I'm not laughing," Though it was clear he was. "Come here," He said, his air of command returning. She carefully moved towards him, wiping a bit of dirt from her face. "May I?" He asked, pointing.

She wasn't sure what she meant until he picked her up by her small waist and lifted her onto his horse. She blinked, reaching out to grasp the saddle before she felt him saddle up behind her. He was closer than he had any right to be, and she flushed, realizing that some of the people who worked with the farm had stopped to watch the spectacle. When she glanced at them, they all continued on their way. She couldn't understand why Ren being married was such a spectacle, until she remembered what Hux had said the night before. 

"You'll learn," He said, gathering the reigns. "I'll find you a proper teacher," 

She felt him urge the horse on, the great beast breaking into a trot that caused her to lose her balance a bit, pressing back against him. She wasn't sure a proper teacher would help her, but she was surprised that Ren had insinuated that it was his teaching ability over her own skill. She was painfully aware of him behind her, and she kept thinking it might be awkward for him with her positioned side saddle, but his firm torso and arms kept her from losing balance. He rode as if he'd done so in far more uncomfortable positions, and she could tell he was skilled at it. 

Eventually, the hyper awareness of him began to fade away as she became distracted by the countryside rolling away around them. It was a beautiful day, and Rey could see why people enjoyed riding horses. It was freeing, moving so quickly across the country side with the wind threatening to take one's hat off. 

She was distracted from her reverie as he brought the horse to a halt, and she was forced to grasp anything she could reach again for balance. He helped her down, her small hand sliding into his and she landed with a bit of a bounce to the ground below. Her legs felt a bit wobbly, and she realized she'd been holding herself tensed for the entire ride. 

"What are we doing?" She asked, though he didn't look at her. He grasped the bag that had been strapped onto the horse, leading it to a place where he could tie the creature off.  
"Follow me," He said, offering her his arm. 

She didn't know what she was expecting, but she certainly hadn't been expecting a small tree house hidden high in a strong tree. She saw the small ladder and wondered how it would hold his weight, much less hers, but he seemed confident enough when he began climbing up. 

"Do you expect me to climb up there?" She shouted up once he'd finished his ascent.  
"Why, can't you?" He asked, challenging her.  
"Of course I can," She mumbled, rolling her eyes and hefting up her skirts. 

She followed, finding the rope ladder required more strength than she thought, but she managed to hoist herself up into the tree house with his help. It was small, and she had to duck once she was inside. It was decorated like a small house, and she wondered who had built it. 

"Did you build this?" She asked.  
"No, my father did," He admitted. "I used to come here a good deal as a boy," He admitted. 

She was surprised at him. This was the most relaxed she'd ever seen him. She thought, that maybe, she might even be beginning to like him. That was, until he spoke again. 

"You really are a terrible excuse for a gentle lady,"  
"And you are really a terrible excuse for a gentleman," She muttered, smoothing out her skirts.  
"For my sins," He said, his lips quirking up with a smirk.  
"Why did you insist on marrying me?" She asked, finding her anger with him rising.  
"Why not?" He said, flippantly. "You were as good as any," 

She stood up abruptly, hitting her head on the roof of the small tree house. She reached up, rubbing the knot before she made her way to the rope ladder, murmuring about how he really was insufferable. He had insisted on marrying her, essentially ruining her life, merely because he felt like it? 

"Rey," He called, trying to stop her. "Rey, I am only teasing you," He stood up, trying to follow, but she was already half way down the ladder. 

She had been intent on walking home until she saw the horse. Something evil in her told her to take it, and she unwrapped the reigns from the tree and lead the horse away. She did her best to mimic Ren's motions, soothing the beast before she used all of the strength she had in her to hoist herself up into the saddle. She didn't bother riding side saddle, and felt a moment of glee when she dug her heels into the animals side and he shot out of the bush. 

She hadn't really thought out her plan much further than that, however...sadly.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter for all you nice folks
> 
> whispers: ren ur a dumbass


	5. Thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finished the tea, and she took it from his hands, setting the empty cup aside to be cleared. It was a job she normally would have done herself, but she didn't want to leave and trek down to the kitchen. She watched him motion to the other end of the room. Her attention was caught by his (mostly) bare chest as the blanket slipped, and she saw that he had a jagged scar running from his navel around his side. She must have looked shocked, but she remembered herself in time to look away from him before he noticed she was staring. She could not help the red glow on the apples of her cheeks, however. Foggily, she found herself wondering how many scars he had, and where they had come from.

❦

Rey realized the magnitude of her mistake as the day got darker. She then realized that she was lost, and she was still new enough to have a difficult time of gaining her bearings or trying to right herself enough to make it back home. And then, it began to rain. It started as a spring shower, and the droplets were warm, but the more wet she got, the colder it got. She shuddered atop a horse that obviously didn't have the good sense to lead her back home. She sarcastically thanked God for his rain, feeling ever more grumpy and soaked as they wandered aimlessly.

She kept an eye out for any farms or cottages, anyone who might be able to set her on her way with directions back to the great house. She tried not to think about the awful diseases that settled in the lungs when one was out in a spring thunderstorm, and she tried doubly hard not to think about her bullheaded husband. She was beginning to see why he hadn't married, because no one had been stupid enough to. She berated herself for not running away while she had the chance. 

Finally, she spotted a structure of some sort. It looked like an old chapel, and she needled the horse in it's direction. She got down off the horse, who slowly chewed on grass, unaware of the rain. She wrapped her arms around herself and slowly made her way into the small pantheon, thinking someone had modeled it after Greece. There was nothing inside, but it kept the rain off of her. 

She stood in the open entry way, peeling her wet gloves from her hands. She braced herself, looking out into the storm. The rain was coming down so quickly it seemed to slant, and the lightning began shortly thereafter, cracking the sky and bruising it with bright colors. She heard thunder, something she was patently afraid of, and whispered to herself that it was going to be alright. She covered her ears, trying to think about anything other than the storm. She tried to remember what her father had told her, explaining to her that it was only a result of the sudden increase in pressure and temperature from lightning producing a rapid expansion of the air surrounding and within a bolt of lightning.

She realized she was verging on a panic attack, even if her rational mind was trying to tell her that she would be alright, her body seemed to respond to the loud noise and the flashing lights. She'd had the fear ever since she was a girl, ever since she could remember, and she'd never been able to overcome it. She found a corner in the little structure and made herself as small as possible, covering her ears and trying not to panic...although by the time it happened it was too late for her to do anything to stop it. 

She felt hot tears rolling down her cheeks, and jumped as another bang rattled the place. She wished she was any where but here. Normally, she would have taken refuge in her father's study, where the thunder seemed less threatening, but she was lost and with a pang of regret she realized she might never take refuge in her father's study again. She released a quiet sob when the thunder crackled again overhead, squeezing her eyes shut tightly as if it might go away if she couldn't see it. 

She began to feel her chest tightening, and she realized she was gasping for breath without filling her lungs. She might suffocate out here, in the middle of a thunderstorm. She slowly became aware of the fact that someone was saying her name, and she briefly wondered if she had lost consciousness. She felt a pair of strong hands grip her shoulders and she managed to peel open her eyes to find that it was Ren, kneeling down in front of her. His dark hair was inky with the rain, and sticking in tendrils around his features. His great coat had been taken off, leaving him in only a waist coat and a silk shirt, which was also sticking to the planes of his arms and chest. He was saying her name, and asking if she was well, but the thunder crashed again and she squeezed her eyes shut. 

She felt herself lifted up by a pair of strong arms and she was carried, like she might have been when she was a girl. She didn't struggle, she was too panicked to struggle.She felt the warm, solid quality of him beneath her and it was all she could do not to cry out in joy that he'd found her here. She heard him shouting to the servants that were afield, though she couldn't make sense, really of what he's said. The trek back to the house was not a long one, and if she'd been more aware she might have realized it was closer than she had thought, she had gone right past it. 

The thunder faded, and Rey was able to open her eyes. She saw Leia standing in the entry light, a warm orange light backing her shadow. She had concern written all over her face, and Rey realized just what sort of problem she'd caused. Her knuckles were white, grasped so tightly onto Ren that someone had to peel her off of him and get her back onto solid ground. 

Leia accepted them with open arms, obviously having been concerned. She hugged Rey, her hand resting on her head in a motherly fashion, murmuring: 'Oh my dear' in the process. Ren stopped in the entry way, turning to give a command to one of the servants that sounded like: _Call everyone back before we all catch the wasting and die._ It only made Rey feel more upset with herself, she'd wasted a whole day and risked others lives. Leia seemed glad that they both came home intact. She rushed Rey into her room, where a roaring fire had been stoked and a dry dressing gown had been laid out for her. There was a tray full of food, and hot tea, and Rey couldn't help but feel thankful. 

The maid helped her out of her sopping wet gown, taking it out of her room, presumably to be dried elsewhere. She was presented with a fresh nightgown and fresh sheets to dry her hair and person. She didn't see Ren again. Was she hoping she would see Ren again? He was afflicted with such a duality, one minute she thought she despised him, and then the very next she couldn't be so sure. He had done her a kindness in coming after her, maybe he felt somewhat responsible for the debacle himself. 

Once she was warm and dry, she fell asleep against all attempts not to. It had been a very long day, and vaguely she hoped that he would knock on her door.

❦

Rey woke up with the feeling that she had something to be anxious about, and when she remembered how foolish she'd acted the day before she wondered if she could feign an illness to stay in her bedroom for the day. She realized that she was going to have to face up to it, eventually. She dressed simply and left her hair down, tying it up into a half knot and draping her beloved shawl around her shoulders. The house was quiet, and she went down to the breakfast table to find Leia by herself.  
"Good morning," She said softly. "Has Ren gone out again?"  
"Good morning," Leia said, glancing at her. "Oh no, he's taken abed," She admitted. "He's got a bit of a fever," Leia seemed worried, but she didn't seem too worried. "All that traipsing around in the rain. How are you feeling, dear?"  
"I'm fine," Rey said, her cheeks surely glowing red from shame. "I should help,"  
"The doctor has come and gone already, but I'm sure he would find your presence comforting," Leia smiled. "Have something to eat first. Are you sure you are well? You're quite flushed,"  
"I am sorry that I caused so much trouble," She said.  
"Oh my dear," Leia repeated, echoing last nights concerns. "I am only glad we found you. I know my son has a very bad habit of not taking a moment to think about what he says before he says it," She paused. "Go on up and see him,"

Rey nodded and realized she wasn't hungry, but her fingertips slid over the skin of a shiny pink apple before she retrieved it from it's resting place. Leia looked as if she was about to protest, but when she got a good look at Rey's features, she merely nodded in her agreement that she should see her son. She knew where his rooms were, as they were right next to hers. It was common, after all. She knocked on the door and it was opened by a maid who had in her arm a bowl full of water and a wet rag. 

"Oh, marm," She muttered, dropping into a low curtsy.  
"Here," She said, taking the bowl from the woman's arms. "Bring tea, won't you? With honey, if you can find it? And a small bit of whiskey?"  
"Yes marm," She said, and Rey realized that she must have been a very young girl. 

She was briefly distracted by Ren's room. It was large, covered in all manner of finery. The bed was large, mahogany, carved with what looked to be a scene of a hunt. She didn't like it, and liked it less the more she looked at it. She wondered at it, though when she looked down she found Ren in the bed, his dark hair sticking to his temples, glinting with sweat. She sat the bowl down, along with the apple she'd grabbed from the breakfast table. She could tell he'd been bled, a practice she had never cared for nor allowed herself to be submitted to. He had a drawn look about him, and Rey pulled up one of the plush, carved chairs. She got it as close to the bed as she could, unsure of why she felt so responsible for his care. 

She supposed it was because she felt partially responsible for the situation he was in. 

She grabbed the cloth and squeezed the excess liquid from it, taking a seat at the bed and pressing it gently against his forehead. He shifted, his hand coming up to grasp loosely around her wrist. Perhaps the chill had shocked him, but when he opened his eyes it was clear he was not expecting to see his wife there. 

"Miss Darling," He said, his tones scratchy and surprised. Even he wasn't used to using her married name.  
"Don't try speaking," She said. "It sounds as if your throat is sore," She pressed the cloth gently down, sliding her hand from his. "I heard you were feeling poorly and I...I wanted to see if I could help," 

It was the closest thing he might get to an apology. He merely gave one nod of his head, swallowing painfully. She frowned, righting the cloth on his forehead and glancing up when the maid knocked and entered with the items she'd requested. She gave a brief, perfunctory curtsy before she set the tray on the mahogany drawers that probably housed his clothing. Rey murmured a quiet 'thank you', but the girl was out of the door before she probably heard it. 

Rey stood up from her perch on his bed and moved to the tray. She felt his eyes on her in such a way that the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She wondered briefly at it, though shook it off and poured out a cup of tea. She poured in a hefty serving of whiskey and a bit of honey and stirred it all up. She brought the tea cup, helping him sit up so that he might take it in hand. 

"Old family cold remedy," She said.

He looked unsure as to whether or not he wanted to drink it, wondering if she'd somehow poisoned it. His eyes were curious as he looked from her to the cup and back again. Finally, he took a sip of it. He looked surprised at the amount of whiskey in it, and coughed just a bit. 

"I think the merit of your old family remedy lies in a good deal of whiskey," He said, laughing huskily.  
"It will help you sleep," She finally said. And she knew that the honey would soothe his throat for a time. She couldn't help but laugh a bit.  
"Indeed," He coughed out again, still smiling.  
"Is there anything else I can do?" She asked, curiously, trying to avoid rolling her eyes. 

He finished the tea, and she took it from his hands, setting the empty cup aside to be cleared. It was a job she normally would have done herself, but she didn't want to leave and trek down to the kitchen. She watched him motion to the other end of the room. Her attention was caught by his (mostly) bare chest as the blanket slipped, and she saw that he had a jagged scar running from his navel around his side. She must have looked shocked, but she remembered herself in time to look away from him before he noticed she was staring. She could not help the red glow on the apples of her cheeks, however. Foggily, she found herself wondering how many scars he had, and where they had come from. 

"Will you read?" His voice interrupted her reverie, and she looked in the direction where he was pointing.  
"Oh, certainly," She said. It was the least she could do, considering. 

When she turned back around after retrieving the book of verse she saw that he had adjusted the blanket up around his neck. She pressed her lips together, eyes dropping to the floor in a moment of shame before she took her seat in the chair and opened to the page he had marked. It was John Donne. She found herself surprised at him, again. 

"I did not think you would care for poetry," She said, betraying her own shock.  
"I am better not responding to that, I think," He said, a smirk on his face. "Read," He murmured, setting his head back on the pillow and closing his eyes. 

She read on awhile, being particularly struck with one verse that came from her lips: 

"Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,  
Let maps to others, worlds on worlds have shown,  
Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one."

When she looked up, she noted the slow rise and fall of Ren's chest and she realized he was sleeping. He looked peaceful, the most peaceful she had ever seen him look, in fact. She shut the book quietly and set it aside, leaning forward carefully to test his forehead with the back of her hand. To her delight, it seemed as if the fever had passed, at least for the time. 

Rey spent the day looking over him. He slept through most of it. The servants brought her tea and she requested a few more books be brought from the library. She made herself comfortable in the chair, glad to stay inside after her terrifying excursion into the thunderstorm the night before. Leia sent up dinner, fowl for Rey and some stew for Ren, though he did not wake to eat it and it grew cold on it's platter. 

She fell asleep as the chamber grew darker, and colder. She had borrowed one of his throw blankets, and wrapped herself tightly in it. She was woken up when she heard rustling. She expected to see Ren getting out of bed for some reason, but what she saw was Ren, struggling against the confines of his blankets. The fine sheen of sweat had returned, and when she touched his forehead, she found that he was excessively warm. Rey realized she had no idea what to do. 

She wrapped her shawl tightly around her and burst out into the hallway, heading straight for where Leia slept. She banged on the door, glad when she saw the small woman opening it. Leia looked concerned, and followed Rey out of the room and into her son's. Leia seemed to know what to do, readjusting the blankets and pillows and ordering servants that had been roused from bed to call for the doctor. Rey stood aside, feeling helpless. She couldn't help but blame herself, and a brief dark thought crossed her mind. What if he died? She sniffed and tried to make herself useful, but Leia was in such a state that Rey, although she had good intentions, was eventually shuffled from the sick room. 

"I'd like to help," She said.  
"I know, dear," Leia said. "But I will sit with him, you will be better to all of us if you get some rest,"  
Rey stood there, dumbly.  
"Rey," Leia finally said, firmly. "Go on to your chambers. I promise you I will alert you should anything change," 

She stood in the hallway, watching the servants rush about with practiced care. She wondered how often he was sick, as in that moment it seemed that he had been unwell a good deal. Finally, when the doctor came rushing past, his small, rounded spectacles glinting in the low light of the hall, Rey forced herself to turn away from the door and go back into her chamber. 

Rey was sure she would not sleep. Slowly, she unraveled the blanket around her shoulders and set it on her bed. It had been made, unruffled by the day. She took a seat at her desk, pulling out the items required to write a letter, though to who, she didn't know. Rose had yet to respond to the letter she'd posted to her, but it usually took weeks, at the very least...especially with the Jakku post office. 

She dipped the nib of her pen in the ink pot, realizing she would need to ask for a new one. On the paper, she scrawled: 

_What if he dies?_

Without warning, the tears came rolling down her face, hot and salty. They dripped onto the paper, marring the ink. She wiped her face, unsure of why she felt so upset, and was unwilling to examine the matter any further.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh buoy. lots of fluff here. alternative title was: rey runs out into the thunderstorm like a heroine in a regency era novel and almost kills her husband with a cold and is unsure why she's so upset about it


	6. Illnesses and intrigues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked up at him, her eyes wide and curious, and she was so sure that in that moment he might try to kiss her again. She was unsure how she felt about it, but she couldn't help herself as she took a step closer. They stood like that for just a moment longer than what was considered proper, and when he leaned in she closed her eyes.

❦

Rey fell asleep crumpled over her desk. When she woke up, she had the imprint of paper on her face and some ink had stained the corner of her mouth. She stood up, thankful she had taken a minute to look in the looking glass, realizing that she looked as if she had been sucking on a pen nib all night. She got dressed in white linen, taking a moment to tie a robins egg blue ribbon around her small waist. She did the best she could with her hair, taking a few moments longer than she wanted to rub the ink from her face, though if one looked closely enough they could see remnants of it there.

She made her way to Ren's room, finding the door ajar. He slept, and Leia noticed her and stood up. She made her way to the door, stepping out into the hallway. Rey kept her eyes on Ren until the door was shut behind Leia. She frowned, wondering why there was suddenly so much secrecy. 

"How is he?" Rey asked, concern leaking into her voice.   
"He is resting well," Leia said. "But the doctors believe he will be in bed for a few days," She admitted. "He was ill a good deal as a boy, you see," She admitted. "There is always a bit of concern illness might settle into his lungs,"   
"May I see him?"   
"I think it is best you let him rest,"   
Rey looked disappointed.   
"My dear, he'll recover whether you're here worrying for him or not," She admitted. "Are there no errands you've been meaning to run? Jakku is a bit of a trek from here, but I'm sure with your constitution you could walk it easily. And a bit of fresh air might do you some good, you look dreadfully wan,"   
Rey reached up, self consciously touching her cheeks. Did she really look so poorly?   
"I am sorry," Rey finally said. "If he hadn't been out looking for me..."   
"Oh, tosh!" Leia finally said. "Ren can get a cold just by looking at the rain," She said, playfully. "Please, do not think that way. Go on dear, go into town and buy yourself a trinket. You'll feel better," 

Rey couldn't help but think that Leia was fobbing her off, and she felt even less like his wife when Leia pointed out that she would buy herself a trinket and all would be well. She was beginning to realize that though she was Ren's wife in name, no one really believed her to be. Leia meant to be kind, she was sure, but perhaps Rey was feeling ashamed and irritated with herself, and in turn she felt every one was ashamed and irritated with her. 

She hadn't meant for him to die, she certainly hadn't disliked him that much. 

She stopped to put on a pair of new leather boots. They were made of soft, chestnut colored leather and they were thick enough to handle the mud without her feet getting wet. She put on a short jacket that was made of the finest velvet she'd ever seen - mustard yellow in color. Rey had never been fond of bonnets, so she left it, deciding that she likely wouldn't see anyone on her walk, anyway. She thought to check the post, and was hopeful that there would be a return letter from Rose. 

She left the house by way of the courtyard, and had the distinct feeling that someone was watching her. When she turned to look at the window, she could only see a rustle in the curtains, shielding the room that would have been Ren's. She frowned a bit, continuing on with her trek. She had gotten instructions on how to get there from one of the staff, as each Sunday they were given the day to do as they pleased, and many of them made the trip there. Rey would only have to walk it a few times before she memorized it, and hopefully by wandering through the wilds she wouldn't ever get lost again. 

She kept to the roads, mostly. They were muddy and gouged with the tracks of carriages having come to and fro often. It was a sunny day, and Rey wished she'd left her little coat at home. She tried not to think of her predicament, her husband, and her new life. She found it was easier to focus on other items outdoors, and Leia had been right. She began to feel better with more physical activity. She even ran, a burst of energy carrying her feet a few miles before she was forced to stop and catch her breath. She felt like a girl again, a girl who didn't have to worry if she was caught out running like a boy. 

When she found her way into town, it was bustling as well as could be. It was a small outpost, but it was where most everyone in the area did their shopping. She stepped into the post office, happy to find that a return letter had come from Rose. She slid it into her skirt pockets and stepped out into the sunlight, barreling into a tall woman with lavender colored hair. 

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Rey exclaimed, bending down to retrieve the envelopes she'd caused the woman to drop.   
"Oh, it's no trouble," She said, and once Rey had helped her pick up her envelopes, the woman looked at her in a beguiling fashion. "So you are her?" She asked.   
"Excuse me?" Rey questioned, wondering what she meant.   
"The new lady of the great old house," She smiled, warmly. "I'm Lady Holdo," She said. "I live just down the lane there. Leia and I are old friends,"   
"Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you," Rey gave a bow, and perked back up. Rey wasn't sure how to respond to being called the lady of the house. It certainly didn't feel like it in that moment.   
"I'd been wondering when I would get to finally meet you, but haven't had an invite yet. But now that doesn't matter, since now we are introduced,"   
"Mr. Ren is ill at the moment," Rey begged off.   
"Oh! I am sorry to hear that," She said. "So you're here, having been shoved off, not to be underfoot?"   
"Y-yes," Rey stammered, surprised by her forthright quality and how well she'd read the situation.   
"Do not worry, my dear," She said. "When it comes to that boy she sometimes loses sight of civility," She hemmed. "I do wonder how it might effect the solstice ball they usually host up there,"  
"She is very civil, I just believed I was doing more harm than good," Rey wondered: solstice ball?   
"Would you like to come for tea?" Holdo questioned. 

Rey thought of all the ways she might beg off. Her hem was covered in mud and she was a frightful mess, but it seemed the great lady hadn't noticed it. She was a bit eccentric in all of her purple, but Rey felt at comfort with her, much like she had with Leia. She realized she had nothing better to do, and nodded. 

"Oh good! My driver is just over here," 

Lady Holdo had been right, her home was not far. The manse was not as grand as Ren's, but it spoke well enough to the woman's wealth. Rey allowed the footman to help her down from the carriage, and followed the great woman into her home. It was brightly lit, decorated in warm champagne tones. Rey certainly saw purple everywhere, and wondered what the color meant to the woman, or if she just favored it that much. In a singsong voice, she requested one of her help to bring out the tea. 

Someone took Rey's coat, and she found herself sitting in a slightly too-warm parlour across from a near total stranger. She supposed it wasn't much different than most of her life, lately. She found the tea service to be rather overwhelming, with so many pastel colored desserts and Holdo insisting she must try the marzipan, a substance Rey had never quite gotten fond of. She ate it, chewing politely and swallowing, trying not to taste it. 

"Well," She said, as they settled in with their lavender painted teacups. "How do you like the great house?"   
"I am still trying to get my bearings in it," She admitted. "It's rather larger than what I'm used to,"   
Holdo laughed, surprising Rey.   
"I quite like your honesty," She said, taking another sip of tea. "We began to wonder if Ren would ever marry," She admitted. "You must be something special for him to have chosen you," Another sip. "Unfortunately he has a bit too much of his father in him,"   
"Forgive me, his father?" Rey asked curiously, realizing she might have been out of her depth. "I am not special," Rey said. "I believe my circumstances were merely in line with what his are,"   
"Yes, it took his father a good many years to marry. He was nearly an old man by the time he had done so," She sat her tea cup down. "Of course, they married for love. The very rich can afford such things," Holdo looked at her evenly. "Oh no, I'm sure that isn't true. Ren never does anything without thought,"   
Rey must've looked like a deer caught out by a hunter. She was uncomfortable with this line of inquiry, for certain. It challenged what she believed about her situation rather too much.   
"Oh, but lets talk of something else, hm?" Holdo said. 

They spent the afternoon talking about anything and everything. Rey felt a bit like she had been interrogated by the end of it, and was glad when the clock chimed the hour. She hadn't realized how late it had gotten. Holdo stood up with flourish, indicating that Rey should follow her. She did as she was told, and was lead into a closet where Holdo appeared to be drying herbs and leaves. It was fragrant, a confusing mixture of more than a few scents. Holdo bagged a few of them, handing the purple satchels over to Rey. 

"Eucalyptus, lavender and sage," She said with a smile. "Good for illnesses. Give them to Ren," She smiled, kindly.   
"This is quite interesting," Rey said, motioning to the herbs.   
"Oh yes, a hobby of mine. I sell tinctures when I can, but mostly I make myself useful to my neighbors,"   
"Thank you," Rey said. "I should be on my way before it gets dark,"   
"Oh, of course. Let me call the carriage 'round,"   
"Oh no, I can walk home,"   
"Don't be silly, take the carriage. We wouldn't want you to get lost again,"

❦

Rey realized during the carriage ride that Holdo had said 'again'. With a hot flush of shame, she wondered how she had known about it, until she thought of the party that had been called out to help find her. She didn't doubt that it wasn't now all over town, maybe even all over the country. It was so embarrassing she wished she might sink into the ground and pop up in the orient overnight. She gave a frustrated groan, which caused the driver to look back at her with some concern before he urged the horses into a faster trot.

"Yes, right, get the unsettled wife out of your carriage," She mumbled, glad he didn't hear her over the road noise. 

She felt a mixture of emotions when the carriage pulled up to the house. The braziers had been lit, and in what had seemed a short span of time it had gotten dark again. Rey never felt as if she passed the days usefully, considering that she was no good at the tasks that young ladies normally did to pass the time. Her embroidery was a joke that earned no laughter, and she usually ended up sewing herself to the pillow. She read, mostly, and tried to keep herself active. There was always some chore to help with at home, but here, no one had any need for her. 

She was met at the door by someone who took her coat and spirited it away to God knew where, but mostly she saw little activity. She wondered if there would be dinner at the table, considering that Leia might still be at her son's bedside. When she questioned it, every servant now sitting in the kitchen looked at her as if she'd sprouted another head. She tried to keep herself from feeling flustered, requesting that someone bring a tray up to her if there wasn't to be any dinner. When they all sat there, still and staring, she blurted out: well?, and everyone hopped to. 

She spirited herself away upstairs, finding the comfort of her bedroom soothing. She felt so very exposed to these people, and so very out of sorts. She remembered Rose's letter in her pocket, and with a sigh of relief she took it out and set it on the desk. It would be nice to read the words of someone who was friendly. She heard a slight knock on the door, and found the small maid standing there with a tray. Rey gave a small thank you, and took the tray, shutting the door softly and locking it behind her. She felt secretive, even though she was sure that no one would care if she had a personal letter or not...though, whilst thinking about it, maybe they did. No one in this county seemed to have much of a diversion, considering they found her so interesting and gossip worthy. 

She lit a candle and opened Rose's letter, helping herself to the small meal that had been brought up. A thick slice of meat, cheese and bread, accompanied with apples, which seemed to be in season. She wished she had had the presence of mind to ask for wine, but then realized she was thankful she hadn't. She felt soothed when she saw Rose's familiar penmanship. 

_Dearest Rey,_

_I am sorry to hear of your dislike of your new home. I had hoped that even if the match is an uncommon one, it might still be a happy one. Of course, I can not presume to know, as never having dealt with an arranged marriage. I wish I could come visit you, and any other time during the year I might be sorely tempted to make you an offer, but I am home bound for now by my husbands' request. Of course, you are always welcome to visit me here at your earliest convenience. I should like so much to show you my home, and all of the pleasures that the country here has to offer. Perhaps when you have been a wife for a few more days, you might see fit to come visit, as the offer always stands open. Finn was saying only the other day that he should like to see you, and of course, I agreed. Send me a letter with the dates you should like to visit, and I'll see fit to make sure you have a place to lay your head at night!_

The letter was a thick one, with a few numbered pages. Rose had never been good at writing, and there were ink blots and swipes every which way, but Rey was an old hand at deciphering her letters. She told her of the goings-on at home, the great house up the hill, and all of the gossip that surrounded her little village. Rey was happy to lose herself in someone else's problems and trifles for a moment, but she was distracted from her reverie when the clock rang the late hour and she heard someone shuffling below. 

She stood up, wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and carefully opened her door. She looked each way and saw no one, the house seemed to be sleeping. She was distracted again by the noise below, and when she looked over the banister she saw the light of a fire casting shadows in the gallery below. She lowered her brow curiously, wondering who was in there. She made her way down the stairs with bare feet, as silently as she could, and carefully pushed the gallery door all the way open. She was surprised to find Ren there, reclining in a chair with his blanket wrapped tightly around him. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," She said, quietly, turning to go back towards the door.   
"No, stay a moment," She heard him say, and she turned to head back in his direction, quite slowly.   
"You are supposed to be in bed," She said.   
"Oh please, don't you fuss too," He said, rolling his head in an irritated fashion. "It was refreshing that you didn't,"   
"Your mother said you were ill often as a boy. I was only trying to show concern," She said, her eyes on the floor.   
"You must be cold," He said, having noticed her bare feet. "What are you doing awake at this hour?"   
"I couldn't sleep. I was reading. What are you doing awake at this hour?"  
"I got tired of being in bed," 

She had to admit, she was glad to see he was well enough to make it out of his room and down the stairs, but she worried about him having done so. His eyes were a strange amber color in the light, and she noted the dark shine of his hair. His skin color was good, however, and he sounded much better. She was sure that within a couple of days, he would be back to full health. 

"Come on then," He said, standing up and swinging the blanket from his shoulders. "I will see you back to your room,"   
"Oh, there's no need," She paused, seeing the look on his face. She watched as he draped the blanket, warmed by his flesh, over her shoulders. 

She was a bit dwarfed in it, but she moved up the stairs first, feeling him follow her close behind. There were a couple of times that, in the process of holding onto the banister, their hands brushed. Rey tried not to notice it, or care that it happened, but she failed miserably. His hands were warm and dry, while hers felt like ice. 

When she came to stand in front of her door, he came to stand in front of her. She tried to shrug the blanket off and give it back to him, but he grasped it tightly at her front and kept her bundled. 

"Keep it," He mumbled, softly. His hands stayed clenched in the fabric, and she felt him pull her closer by way of the blanket now wrapped around her. 

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and curious, and she was so sure that in that moment he might try to kiss her again. She was unsure how she felt about it, but she couldn't help herself as she took a step closer. They stood like that for just a moment longer than what was considered proper, and when he leaned in she closed her eyes. 

"Good night," She heard him say, and she opened her eyes to find him turning around, headed back to his chambers. 

Perhaps he had remembered their first kiss. Rey stood there awkwardly for a few moments, chewing on her bottom lip, watching his back before he disappeared into his room. 

She couldn't help but feel disappointed.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heuhehueheu you all are so nice it makes me wanna update fast but it might be awhile from now so i gave you twoo chapters.  
> i have to go back to work boooo   
>  enjoy :)


	7. Rather like poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She glanced up, wondering if it had been enough to put him to sleep, and found he was still looking at her. He had that look in his eye, the one she had caught previously, and she felt very warm again. She didn't know what she was thinking, and later on she would brush it off as simple curiosity, but she leaned in, tilting her head just so and pressing her mouth against his. Something in her panicked when she realized she hadn't asked, and he didn't seem to be returning the kiss. _Oh. She leaned back abruptly, looking resolutely shocked and ashamed of herself._

❦

The next morning, Rey woke to a knocking at her door. Usually, the servants just knocked once and entered, so she blearily slid out of bed and tugged her shawl on. It seemed that in the Ren house, sleeping in was not in their agenda. She opened the door to find Leia there, looking at her with a serene smile. She smiled back in return, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

"Oh! I forget not every one gets up as early as I do," Leia said. "I thought we might start your instructions on what your duties are to be with the house," She said. "Now that Ren is feeling better, I feel it necessary to return home before the solstice ball is thrown,"  
It was the second time she'd heard it mentioned.  
"You mean I have to take charge of it?"  
"Well, you'll have to see that it's running smoothly, but we've done it so many years now that it really throws itself,"  
"Let me get dressed," She said, politely. Leia nodded and Rey quietly shut the door behind her. 

She chose a spring gown in the color of mint, and the bottom was embroidered with small leaves and flower buds. She thought it was a bit too girlish for her, but she was running out of her small cache of simple gowns, and she was beginning to realize that her laundry might need doing. Leia stood in the hallway, speaking indistinctly with one of the servants before she spotted Rey. Rey had taken a green satin scarf and used it to make her hair look presentable. Leia looked at her, pleased. 

"Aren't you a lovely thing?" She said. "Come on then, we have a lot to get through," 

There was a great deal more than Rey was expecting. The house was large enough to have a full staff, and there was a steward who took care of overseeing it, but Rey had to ensure that he was in line. She had to responsibility of checking the lists for items such as food, and ensuring that there wasn't too much ordered for big celebrations. There was, also, as Leia kindly pointed out, the necessity of making herself known among her neighbors. It was common for a wife to go out with baskets to give to the less fortunate when it struck her, and visit the church to volunteer her time if necessary. 

Leia told her she would get used to it in time, but as the days passed and she took over the duties little by little, she returned to her bed each night feeling exhausted. She fell asleep in her clothes more than once. She saw little of Ren. Leia said he had gone out with a shooting party, as it was high season for hunting, and they returned in the evening before the sun died with pheasants and a whole row of dogs barking and carrying on. Leia realized she had begun to look for him, but he remained elusive. She wondered at it, wondering if she had done something to offend him. When she did see him, he was brief with her and carried on with this business as if he were a very busy man. 

She re-read Rose's letter, and one evening she got it into her mind that she would ask if she could go. Leia would remain for another few weeks, and it seemed good to go before she went home herself. She gathered her courage and made her way to his study, hoping to find him there. Ren rarely came for supper, and seemed to keep to his own timetable, even though polite society might shun him if they knew it. She had to admit that she did not know what happened in his daily affairs, so maybe he really was as busy as he let on. 

She stood in front of his study for what felt like forever, watching the light of the fire dance about beneath the door. She brought with her his dinner, and her own, which with Glorianna in the kitchen had fussed that he hadn't eaten properly in days. Finally, she lifted her hand and gave a knock. When there was no answer, she knocked again. This time, she heard his muddled tones instructing her to enter, and she opened the door carefully, finding him sitting at the large mahogany desk, shining like a behemoth in the light. He was scribbling something out on parchment, and he didn't look up at first. She cleared her throat, and when he did look up, he looked surprised. 

"I wasn't expecting you," He said, as if he was unsure of what else to say. "And carrying a tray, no less," He smirked. "Do not you know that we have servants for that?" He looked bemused, as if he was struggling between the fact that his wife was carrying a tray and being touched at the gesture.  
"Ah, no," She said. "Glorianna says you haven't eaten. She worries," She murmured. "I wondered if I might ask for a favor,"  
"What is it?" He looked curious.  
"I received a letter from my school friend," She started, hating how weak her voice felt. Was she afraid of him? "She offered me her guest room, and I was wondering if I might go and visit her," She didn't like having to ask for permission, but she had to show him deference as her husband. "I haven't seen her since she's been married,"  
Ren leaned back, and Rey watched him carefully before she looked down and lifted the tray from the food.  
"Rey," He said, his voice even. "You are free to go where you like," He finally said. "I won't be the type of husband who will keep you in chains," He admitted. 

He surprised her, and it must have registered plainly on her features. 

"I would ask that you allow me to know where you are going, however," He paused. "And request that you might wait until after the ball,"  
"I thought I might go before, while your mother is still here," She said.  
"Why?"  
"She is still handling a good deal of the preparation,"  
"Ah, I see," He said, standing up. "So you hoped to avoid it entirely, hm?"  
"No, not exactly," She said, unable to help the smile that lifted the corners of her lips. "Well, yes, if you must know,"  
He laughed.  
"I don't care for it either," He said, moving to draw a chair to the desk so that she might join him. He stood back, motioning that she should sit. "But I'm sorry to tell you that none of us can avoid it. The neighborhood has come to expect it,"  
"Oh," Rey said softly. "And you're hoping I attend?"  
"Well, expecting, really," He leveled his gaze on her and she suddenly felt very warm. "How about we try a deal?"  
"A deal?" Rey asked, wondering what he meant.  
"You accompany me to this ball, and I allow you free reign into the country for as long as you like,"  
"That...sounds as if it is fair," Rey admitted.  
"Good," He said. "Will you join me for dinner?"

❦

The cook had made one of Ren's pheasants, and doused it in some precious sauce made from a reduction of wine. There were yellow potatoes and baked cloves of garlic, and a vegetable medley that looked more fair than any other vegetable medley she'd ever seen. Sometimes, she struggled with how plentiful food was here. She hadn't gone hungry at home, but sometimes food had not been of the best quality.

They sat in silence for a few moments, eating quietly and politely chewing so as not to be the first one to make any sort of rude noise. She watched him as he ate, he did so carefully, but she could tell in his manners that he was hungry. She wondered if he'd merely forgotten to eat. Finally, he looked at her from across the short distance and laughed. 

"I suppose we're not very good at this," He said.  
"Being in the same room together?" She said. "I would wager not,"  
He laughed again, the sound clear and uninhibited.  
"In fact," She said. "It seems as if you've been avoiding me for the past few days," She was being forthright, she knew, but she was his wife in name if not anything else.  
"Does it?" He seemed surprised. "I apologize, then," She noted the boyish look on his face, and watched his eyes drop bashfully. He was pleased that she had mentioned it.  
"Oh my," She said, her impishness coming out before she'd realized it. "What have we here? Do you mean to tell me that you are the type of man to give a girl your favor and then disappear, just to see what she might do?" She smirked, taking a bite of her bird.  
"I don't know what sort of man I am," He admitted. "But I would hope never to be anything but honest with you," 

Rey's eyes widened in shock at his earnestness. She cleared her throat and refocused her attention on her food, hoping that her face wasn't as red as the wine sauce. 

"Tell me more of your friend," He finally said, after they'd sat in awkward silence for a few more moments. "If you please,"  
"Rose?" Rey questioned. "We've been friends since I can remember," She admitted. "She lived near Jakku, where I did, for the longest time, until she got swooped up by Finn," She smiled, thinking of them both. "They moved to Takadona after they got married, and I haven't seen her since. His parish abuts your uncle's estate, I believe,"  
"Luke?" Ren asked. "Ah, right. He has told me of Finn. Quite good at sermons,"  
"Yes," Rey agreed, having only heard him a few times. "Do you speak often with your uncle?" She found herself muddling over the nuggets of information he gave about himself, and wishing he would give more. Her husband was nothing if not curious.  
"As often as I can," He said. "He is a bit more eccentric than my mother. He prefers his home and his animals. We are very lucky if he graces us with his presence at all,"  
"I wish my mother were more like him," She said.  
He looked up quickly, his eyes taking her in. He was trying to test to see if she was joking or not. Finally, her face broke out into a smile and she laughed. He smiled, shaking his head.  
"I admit I don't know what it's like not to be close to your mother,"  
"Oh," Rey said. "I don't mean to sound mercenary," She admitted. "My mother loves me," 

_And she showed it by obsessing over my every move until she was able to marry me off._ She thought to herself. 

"She was rather excited," He recalled.  
"I imagine it must have been wonderful," She said. "Having a mother like Leia," Rey realized she had finished eating, and set her plate carefully aside to be carried out with the tray.  
"She's a very important person," He said. "But wonderful. It was, sometimes, quite a lot for a boy to live up to," 

Rey stared at him, and he stared back. They were disrupted with a knocking at the door. When Ren told the person to enter, she saw Leia standing in the threshold. 

"Oh, there you two are! We began to get worried when we couldn't find Rey,"  
"Not worried for me, mother, I hope,"  
"No, of course not," Leia said, watching as her son stood and kissed her hand. "What a spread. Of course, you should have joined us at the dining table,"  
"It was impromptu, mother,"  
"Well, will you both come down? Cook has made apple pie and ice cream with the last of the ice,"  
"I cannot, mother. I have too much to do here," He glanced at Rey. "I'm sure Rey would like to join you, however,"  
"Oh, uh, yes," She said, popping up from her seat and moving to clear the tray. She felt Kylo Ren's hand gently stay her wrist.  
"I will take care of this," He whispered in the shell of her ear. She fought a visible shudder as her hair was disrupted. It wasn't disgust...no, not disgust. 

Leia took her arm and they walked out of his study, and Rey took a cursory glance back at him. He was watching her, his eyes so intensely focused on her that she feared that if she kept looking for too long she might fear what she might find there. She glanced away as Leia distracted her, talking to her of this and that as they made their way downstairs. 

Rey was distracted during dessert. She kept pushing the pie around until it became nothing but a crumble, and Leia noticed so far as in asking if she was well. Rey nodded, but she kept playing the conversation over and over in her head, landing on the sound of his voice whispering against her ear. She was trying to work out what she felt. Were these knots in her stomach ones of anxiety and disgust, or something else entirely? Something she had yet to really experience? 

She didn't realize that Leia had called her twice, the third time with much more insistence. Rey was forced to look up abruptly, so surprised that her fork clattered loudly to her plate. 

"Mm?" She questioned, carefully picking her fork up.  
"I said that tomorrow we'll have you fitted for a gown. How does that sound?"  
"Fine," She murmured, feeling as if she had tasted too much champagne again. 

Leia sent her upstairs with a cold compress and instructions that tea was to be brought up, concerned that she had suddenly picked up what her son had had. Rey made the walk slowly, unable to focus on anything going on around her. When she was safe behind her bedroom doors, she took a slow seat on her bed. 

His voice kept repeating: _But I would hope never to be anything but honest with you._

She flushed, trying to shake herself free of it. She even went so far as to chide herself.  
"Oh, he's just a man, you foolish girl!"

❦

She had trouble falling asleep. She tossed and turned, and was almost glad when she heard a small knock at the door. She couldn't have guessed at who it might have been, but she suspected it was Leia, checking in to see if she was well. She was surprised to see Ren standing there. He was wrapped up in a long red robe, and his hair was a bit disheveled. He had his hands clasped behind his back, and when he brought them forward she saw he had a book of verse in clasped therein.

"I find ever since you read to me I have trouble sleeping without it," He admitted. "I wondered if you might, again," 

Rey must have looked shocked. 

"I swear to the Lord I won't lay a hand on you," He smirked, holding them up in a gesture of surrender.  
"Oh, well," Rey said, flushed. "I suppose it can't hurt," 

She grasped her shawl and followed him out into the hallway, quietly shutting her door behind her. She got the thrilling feeling of doing something wrong, and had to remind herself that he was her husband. It would have been a different story had he not been. She watched as he opened the door to his bedroom and allowed her in first. She heard the door click shut behind her. She was unsure if it had been a bad decision, but she found that she trusted him, despite his poor actions the first night they were married...which had never been spoken about again. 

She stood awkwardly there in her night shift, watching him and wondering what she should do. She found that there were two great chairs drawn up in front of his fire, when previously, there had only been one. He motioned for her to take a seat, handing her over a the book of poetry. She flipped through it. 

"Lord Byron!" She exclaimed, though quietly. "Another surprise,"  
"I am full of them, it seems," He looked at her, then motioned to the book. 

Rey started to read: 

"She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that’s best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;  
Thus mellowed to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies. 

One shade the more, one ray the less,  
Had half impaired the nameless grace  
Which waves in every raven tress,  
Or softly lightens o’er her face;  
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,  
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. 

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,  
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
But tell of days in goodness spent,  
A mind at peace with all below,  
A heart whose love is innocent!"

She glanced up, wondering if it had been enough to put him to sleep, and found he was still looking at her. He had that look in his eye, the one she had caught previously, and she felt very warm again. She didn't know what she was thinking, and later on she would brush it off as simple curiosity, but she leaned in, tilting her head just so and pressing her mouth against his. Something in her panicked when she realized she hadn't asked, and he didn't seem to be returning the kiss. _Oh._ She leaned back abruptly, looking resolutely shocked and ashamed of herself. 

"I'm sorry," She gasped out, setting the book down and quickly bolting to the door. She couldn't think of anything but getting out of there as quickly as she could.  
"Rey," He murmured, trying to get her to pause in her actions. "Please, wait," 

He was quicker than she was, and he blocked her path to the door, coming to stand in front of her. Her eyes widened in shock, though the look on his face was hopeful, not dangerous. She had a feeling that if she had asked him, he would have let her through. She watched him take a careful step forward, as if any sudden movement might make her bolt. His hands landed on her arms, his open palms warm against her bare skin. She looked up. In his face, she saw a question. Without much realizing it, she had nodded her reply. 

It was different from the claret kiss. At first, it was merely a touching of lips, which Rey found herself quite a match for. However, it would quickly become clear how unskilled she was at kissing. It certainly was not his first time. He was patient with her, his mouth pliant until she loosened up against him. When his lips parted, she did the same, finding that there was also the matter of tongues. His was warm, and he tasted of mint tea. He lead her along softly until they both seemed to lose all semblance of civility. He pulled her closer as if he could not get her near enough, the kiss becoming a flurry of something that lay just beneath the surface of Ren's intentions. She felt the warmth of the action spread all through her, down to her toes, as if the blood in her body did not know in which direction to rush. 

There had been a freedom in not thinking too long on what she had done. There was a freedom in realizing that he had wanted to kiss her too, but the fear crept into the back of her mind the moment she took her first breath from the heated fumble of a kiss. Her lips felt swollen, and she knew that she was in a position to let him do whatever he liked...and it wasn't something she was sure she was ready for. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she tried to catch her breath (and clear her thoughts), and when Ren looked at her he seemed to see it there, the small kernel of doubt that laid there within her eyes. 

The moment further cooled when they heard someone clatter down in the kitchen. It wasn't uncommon, the servants usually got more drunk than they had any right to on certain evenings, but it seemed to bring them both squarely back into their senses. She worried about angering him, but when she looked at him again she could find nothing of the hurt that had been there the night he'd tried to kiss her and failed. 

"It was your first, wasn't it?" He asked, softly. 

She nodded. 

"I owe you an apology," It was all he said before he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Goodnight, Rey," He grasped her hand lightly before she had a chance to get completely away from him. "Thank you," 

It didn't feel so much dismissive as they were now at a stand off. She had mixed feelings about what she wanted, she was sure. What had happened to the bullheaded, arrogant man? She had been so sure of his character, but the simple act of kissing had made it all bundled up in her brain. She wasn't able to admit to herself that it had been confused before then. Perhaps it had been confused since she'd met him. 

She didn't sleep that night. 

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poem is 'she walks in beauty' by lord byron.  
> you asked for more Ren, you got more Ren  
> ooooeee hope you enjoyed this floof fest cause i'm gonna do some sad stuff in the next few chaps.  
> but at least you got to see these two soft idiots(tm) kissing awkwardly.


	8. Broken hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She felt the tears springing to her eyes, though she did not want to cry in front of him. She looked accosted, and as if her hopeful heart had just shattered into a million little pieces. When he looked at her, he softened for just a moment, but whatever barb had lodged itself in his chest got the better of him, and he became hard again.

❦

She had dreams that night.

They were dreams unlike any she had ever had, dreams that reminded her of a hot summer afternoon after she had eaten too many sticky berries, the taste of the fruit still on her lips. Bruised and sweet, it reminded her of the simple pleasure of the berry bursting on her tongue, and her licking the remnants of the juice from her fingertips. 

She was restless with them, unsure if she was awake or asleep. It seemed as if every time she got a grasp on what she was dreaming about, (Ren's hands lifting up her skirts, and undoing the garters at her stockings) she lost them. She still tasted his mint breath, smelled the soap on his skin, but the dreams were so frustratingly temporary that she woke before the sun with a feeling of a pleasurable afternoon diverted and distinct wet warmth between her thighs. 

Rey knew about the specifics of what happened between a man and a woman. Her mother had spoken to her about it briefly, calling it an unhappy, miserable thing. Her father and her mother did not love one another, and it seemed they had only done what was necessary once to get her mother with child, never to pick up the idea again. When she had been about sixteen or seventeen, a girl in town had gotten a hold of one of her father's erotic books, bought and sold privately between collectors, full of all manner of things a man might do with (or to) a woman. Rey had never thought of idle crushes again since that day, since she had seen more than a few girls go to ruin because of what they had between their thighs. 

She had wanted to fall in love with someone enough to make the act at least tolerable. 

When she thought of Ren's mouth, and how skillfully he had kissed her, she began to think it might become more than just tolerable. 

She groaned out in frustration and slammed her fists into the bed, having a small fit among her blankets before she shot up, blowing hair out of her face. She needed to do something else. She wished she could pop her brain out of her skull and scrub it clean from any trace of him, because then at least she might be able to get some rest. She wondered, perhaps hopefully, if he was experiencing the same. 

She got up, thinking that all she could do was commit herself to some activity and she might be able to distract herself from these thoughts. She heard the servants stirring, knowing that it would be awhile before the house itself fully woke up. She stopped a maid in the hallway, attending to her duties, and requested that a bath be drawn. It was unusual to take a bath in the morning, but Rey felt it was necessary. It was a large, deep seated tub with lion's claws, and the maid filled it with water that had been boiled on the stove below and poured into a carafe. She dismissed her, never having been one to have her bath time impeded on. She would wash and get out of the tub before the water got cold. 

She tied her hair up and soaped off, rinsing herself clean with what was left of the water. She wrapped herself in a towel and went to work on trying to find one of the least ridiculous of her gowns, but they were getting to be more and more ridiculous. She thought she might ask about going into town and buying some fabric that was more suitable for every day wear. Linens, and the like. 

She found a white morning dress with yellow flowers, made from crinoline. The bust was low, but thankfully her under-gown kept it from being too revealing. She tied on her boots and tugged her bonnet out of it's dusty gloom, dusting it clean and tying it onto her head. It was likely to be a bit chilly, so she found an overcoat, deep blue in color, velvet, and double breasted. She wondered if it had been made in the style of a mans, which was becoming the fashion these days. 

She carried with her one of the novels she had been reading before bed, and her small satchel purse, and crept through the courtyard out into the gloom. The rising sun made it's appearance before long, warming the grass and causing it to become a bit slippery. Rey kept her wits about her this time, marking her tracks so that she wouldn't get lost. Her dress was troublesome, and she wished she was in the type of place that wouldn't look down on her for tying it up. Eventually, the coat became warm, and she unbuttoned it and let it hang while she wandered the meadows and dales. 

She was surprised to hear the thundering of hooves, and broke through a branch covered patch to find someone riding a horse in an empty field. He was a distance off, but she would recognize his build anywhere. It was Ren. He rode the beast back and forth, thunderous and fast, kicking up all manner of mud and grass. Rey found she got some pleasure in watching him. It looked as if he hadn't bothered to dress, only having thrown on a dark pair of breeches, riding boots, and tucked his white shirt into the breeches. It hung loosely around him, and for a moment, she found herself thinking that if she squinted enough, he might come to resemble the Princes of her childhood. 

When he noticed her, he pulled the reigns so hard in surprise that the horse nearly twisted at an unnatural angle, causing him to lose his balance and go tumbling into the mud below. Rey's eyes shot open in surprise, and then concern. She lifted her skirts and went running through the damp grass to where she had seen him fall. If she nearly killed him again, she was sure Leia would never let her back into the house. 

She found him coughing, and laughing, grasping his middle as if something had gotten punctured. She checked to see if he was whole, and she pouted a bit as he continued to laugh.   
"Your mother will think I've got a plot to murder you!" She said. "Are you alright?"   
"I'm fine. Have you?" He said, between the laughter. "Help me up," 

She did as he requested, allowing him to use her as sort of a crutch before he was able to stand on his own. He was muddy, and perhaps a bit bruised, but Rey could see no indication of broken bones or blood. 

"Any pain?" She asked, obviously worried as she reached out, careless about where she was touching.   
"Only from being prodded," He said, catching her wrists and stopping the onslaught.   
"You could be bleeding internally, you know," She said, looking up at him.   
"That's the first time I've ever fallen off of a horse," He admitted. 

She must have looked surprised, as she had managed it a few times when he'd first been showing her how to ride. The horse had wandered off to chew on some grass, and was regarding them both as if they were the great beasts. 

"I apologize," She said. "I didn't think I would startle you,"   
"What are you doing out here?"   
"I was walking. I had trouble sleeping,"   
"There seems to be a plague of insomnia going around," 

She glanced up at him, hoping he might give her further detail, but he didn't. He retrieved the horse, pulling him back in the direction of her, though he lifted his head a few times in protest. He still hadn't forgiven her for driving him out into the rain. She reached out carefully, patting along the line of his nose, and he gave an irritated whinny. 

"Your horse still hasn't forgiven me," She said, rubbing her muddy hand on her now muddy dress.   
"I wouldn't have, either," He said, playfully. She had gotten a bit better at recognizing when he teased.   
"Will you be well enough to get home?" She asked.  
"Ah, she upends me from my horse and she plans to leave me so soon," He said, smirking in his strange way.   
"I did interrupt your ride," She said. "It did appear to be rather exhilarating,"  
"And it is, but not half so much as a half hour in your company. Will you allow me to accompany you back?"   
"I did not upend you from your horse," She said stubbornly. "A more skilled rider would have known that being atop the horse is better than being underneath the horse," She walked through the grass, hopping over a gouge in the mud. She looked back at him. "Are you coming?"

He followed her, a smile still on his face. He stopped her, reaching up to wipe the mud away from the apple of her cheek. So much for the bath. She felt every touch of his fingertips on her skin with an galvanizing thrill, and without meaning to she leaned into his touch. For a moment, she thought he might kiss her again, and the aching in the pit of her belly made it clear to her that she wanted it very badly. Something gave him pause, however, and he continued on his way. 

"Ren," She questioned as she caught up with him. "Would it be possible to purchase some more yards of fabric for a few gowns?" She asked, wondering what he might think of the request.   
"What, you don't have enough?"  
"No, it isn't that," She felt her face growing warm, and that prickly little need to defend herself when he was abrupt with her came up, though it was less, now. "I thank you for thinking to fill the closet with gowns, but many of them are not quite my style," She said.   
"I had come to wonder about that," He said, laughing again. She was surprised at how easily he laughed. "Certainly, you're free to purchase what you like,"   
"Is it possible, also...to have my things sent for?"   
He stopped, looking at her.   
"You haven't received your belongings?" He seemed surprised.  
"No," She replied honestly. "I had thought maybe you meant to replace all of my belongings,"   
"How well you think of me," He said, though his voice was still playful. "I apologize, again, Rey. It must have slipped by my attention. I'll have someone send for them today,"   
"Thank you," She said, feeling relieved that the conversation was over. She had been puzzling over how best to approach it.   
"Why didn't you mention it earlier?" He asked, walking alongside her.   
"I...didn't think it was a very comfortable subject," She admitted.   
"Ah, I see," He replied. "I hope in the future you are more comfortable in speaking with me about such things,"   
"Of course, Ren,"   
"Kylo, please,"   
"What?"   
"Call me Kylo,"   
"Kylo," She repeated, plainly. 

Finally he did stop, leaning in with a tilt of his head to steal a kiss from her lips. She leaned into it, finding that they met each other with equal ferocity, kissing a stand in, perhaps, for something more that they both wanted to express. Rey's fingertips gathered in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him down to her. She had to stand on the tips of her toes, he was so tall. For the moment, she was merely a woman, and he was merely a man, and they were trying to see what they might find out of one another by kissing. 

She was surprised by the sort of tenderness he expressed, but she half wished he wouldn't treat her as glass. It was as if the knowledge that she was merely a beginner at this had stayed his hand with it, just a bit. When he broke the kiss she was twisted up, confounded, and she ultimately saw the danger in such kisses. She was walking down a path of becoming addicted to them. 

What if he did not mean to commit himself to them, as she meant to? What if he was only seeing what sort of game he might make of her? 

She had a hard time believing, when she looked in his eyes that were made amber in the light, that he was the sort of man to do such a thing...and she found herself astounded by the realization of it. 

"Mother will be looking for you," He said, quietly, taking in a deep breath of air to steady himself.   
"Oh," She suddenly remembered her promise to stand still while fitted for a ball gown. "Right," Her voice was soft, and she was out of breath. "Do you think she'll notice me missing?"   
"Most definitely," He admitted, dropping a kiss to the dark crown of her hair. 

They walked back, hand in hand.

❦

When they were back in the foyer of the house, Ren released her hand. His mother had found them, and she hadn't seen them holding hands. She wondered briefly at it, but she decided not to think on it.

"Wild boy," She said. "You're half dressed! Go upstairs and make yourself presentable," She glanced at Rey. "And you, I should have thought you knew better than to indulge him," She said, though she could tell by the look on Leia's face that she was being teased.   
"The dress maker is here already, but you have some time to wash your face if you like,"   
"Mother," Ren started. "Rey will be requesting more gowns be made," He said.   
"But why? You've a full closet," She said.   
"Mother, allow her to chose what she likes," Ren said, kissing his mother before taking the stairs two at a time, disappearing into his chambers. 

She felt a bit pleased at it. 

It was an argument between herself, the dressmaker, and sometimes Leia. They did not like the simple things she chose, and the afternoon turned into a drearily frustrating one. She was fitted for a gown of silk, the color of it green. It had a particular sheen, that when caught in certain lights, looked gold, or blue, or even red. Rey liked the fabric, but it was drawn up in the style of a ball gown, with a train and puff sleeves. There was a considerable argument about whether or not there should be black lace, or if the black lace would make her look matronly. In the end, it was decided that the under skirt would be made of black tulle, but there was to be no lace at her neck. 

She picked linens of taupe and brown, muslins of green and dusty blue, and requested that they be drawn up as plainly as possible. The dressmaker likely couldn't resist putting in her own details, but Rey fought the battle as much as she could until they were both in agreement. She was surprised to find, after dinner, that the rest of her belongings had been brought from home. It was a diversion, unpacking all of her old things, some of them shabby in comparison to what she had now. She was glad to have her books, and her journals, and it made her feel more at home. 

Things seemed comfortable. 

The weeks leading up to the ball passed quickly, marked with Leia's departure to the country once the plans were finalized. She had no desire to be an old woman in a ball gown, she had said, but Rey suspected she missed her husband, and perhaps she had only stayed to see how well her son's new wife took to the house. She had been right, Rey had gotten the hang of it, and she found a sort of pleasure in routine. She and Ren had stolen moments, here and there, a fickle kiss or a slight brush of hands, but she began to notice that something was troubling her husband, and she was too foolish then to try and wheedle it out of him. 

He seemed to have the unfortunate habit of turning in on himself when something was bothering him, and she wished to see more of him. 

One night, right before the night of the party, she found herself lonely and wishing she was in his presence. She knocked at his chamber door, but found no reply. She had brought with her a tray of tea, and something sweet. She waited a few moments before she made her way to his study, and knew that he was beyond the door, as she saw the firelight flickering. She knocked, before she tried the door. It swung open for her, and she found him asleep, over his desk. 

"Oh, Ren," She murmured softly, wishing she knew what was troubling him so. 

Gently, she sat the tray down, trying to reduce the noise, but he started awake, his eyes blearily taking her in. 

"I apologize, I thought you might be hungry," She said. "The staff says you've hardly been eating,"   
"Sending you reports, are they?" She could hear an edge in his voice, an edge she had come to be wary of.   
"They worry for you," She said. "And so do I. I've hardly seen you,"   
"Don't you think that might be the point?" He said, roughly. Rey was startled by the harshness in his voice.   
"Why should you have any need to avoid me?" She asked, her tones soft. "Ren, what's the matter?"  
"Because I do not want to see any one, and as my wife you should respect that,"   
"Ren, I-" She started, but he cut her off.   
"Leave the tea and go, I have no care to soothe the hurts of a girl child," 

She felt the tears springing to her eyes, though she did not want to cry in front of him. She looked accosted, and as if her hopeful heart had just shattered into a million little pieces. When he looked at her, he softened for just a moment, but whatever barb had lodged itself in his chest got the better of him, and he became hard again. 

"I am not your wife," She finally said. "Perhaps in name only, but you've never seen fit to treat me as such," She spat out. "Why did you marry me? Did you think of what a lark it would be?"   
"You were my mother's choice," He said plainly. "I had seen enough of you to know that you would do your job fastidiously, and you weren't ridiculous, going on about the cost of ribbon and your newest gown," He paused. "And it was obvious your family was in desperate need of marrying you off before you threatened to become a spinster. And obvious that I needed to marry someone, despite objecting to it," He glanced at her up and down. "Certainly you did not think there were any other reasons?" 

She blinked, taking a step back. Unfortunately, the tears had already started to roll down her cheeks, and the parade of mean spirited faeries had already begun a dance across her consciousness. Foolish girl. They repeated, over and over. What sort of use does a man like him have for you? 

He realized, a moment too late, what he'd done. She quickly made her way to the door, and at her back she heard him say her name, as if he meant to apologize right then. However, the damage had already been done. Quietly, she shut the door behind her and quickly moved back to her room. Her steps picked up into a run, and she nearly toppled a maid who was bringing something up the stairs. 

"Oh, marm!" She exclaimed. "Are you well?" She asked, concerned. 

Rey didn't stay in the hallway to try and explain, only shutting her door carefully behind her and locking it. She slid down against the door, her sobs refusing to remain silent as they wracked her small frame. She shoved her face into her knees, hoping that the skirts she wore would stifle the noise. She heard a faint knocking at the door, and the maid inquiring after her. Eventually, the girl gave up the ghost and went on with her duties. Rey cried until her face was puffy, and she fell asleep curled up against the door after having expended every ounce of energy she had. 

She was sure this was what heart break felt like...and felt foolish for ever having considered herself even in the beginning stages of love. 

She didn't leave her room the next day, even though the ball was to be that night. She wrote Rose a letter, telling her that she would be coming soon, and she might nearly just beat the letter. She doused her face in cold water and tried to right herself, if just a bit, ignoring the voices that kept telling her what a fool she'd been. She was not yet mad enough to try and soothe over the hurt with anger, and she knew she had to compose herself long enough to make it through the dance. 

When it came time, she allowed the maids to dress her and curl her hair. When it was done, she looked lovely, her dark hair piled at the back of her head in curls, small red roses pinned into it. Curls hung around her face and neck, which glittered with a simple pendant made with emerald (something Leia had insisted on). The gown was lovely, but she didn't care much about any of it. She made her way downstairs when it came time to greet the guests. 

Ren stood there, looking fine in his matching coat. His face looked hopeless when he looked at her, perhaps realizing that he may have shut her out forever, and regretted it. She gave a small curtsy, acting very properly, but she would not take his arm when he offered it. The house had been decorated with so many candles that it was warmer indoors than it was out, and the crush of bodies made it hard to keep track of anyone. She was glad for it, after the painful process of greeting those that came, Rey danced exactly one dance, and went up to bed. No one would notice her missing. She was, after all, the idiot country girl that Kylo Ren had stooped to marry. 

She wrote a letter to the steward of her plans to leave and visit her friend, leaving him with instructions of what to do in her absence, though she was sure he didn't need them. When the night had grown later, she heard someone knocking at her door. She stood up, though she didn't open it, instead choosing to listen. She heard Ren's distinct voice. 

"Rey, I am a dreadful great idiot," He said against the door. "Please come down," 

She didn't respond, unsure that she was able to even offer a bit of forgiveness. He knocked again. 

"I did not mean a word of what I said," He admitted. "I am sorry," He repeated. "What I said, it may have been true at the time, but it isn't true now,"

She did not know why he found himself apologizing so much, but she guessed it was because he had the worst temper she had ever experienced. She said nothing, sitting silently on her bed and waiting for him to leave the door. He stayed for a half an hour, guarding her door in case she should come out. When she didn't, he left it shut. 

The very next morning, Rey gathered her belongings and left, intent on visiting Rose.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw man. kylo ren what's wrong with you.   
> hope you can forgive me for writing all this moe, there is a method to my madness i promise


	9. A new admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spent many such afternoons in each other's company. Poe played piano, while they sang badly, or Poe brought fresh apples, or he came up with some grand scheme to entertain them all. She grew fond of him without meaning to, though Ren was always at the back of her mind, like a viper curled up after a blood meal. And one afternoon, when they managed to find each other together, alone, in the backyard, she recognized the telltale signs of Poe leaning in to try and kiss her. Abruptly, and with panic, she pulled her head back so he would not hit his mark.

❦

The journey was a long one. She had to stop over at an Inn for the night, where she found comfort in knowing she was alone, and she would not have to fear Ren knocking on the door in the middle of the night. She considered his apology, but what she really wanted was to understand why he had abused her so much. Hadn't they just come to terms with one another? Maybe he had decided he did not want her, after all. She knew letters would follow her, and she knew she was running away, but she needed to see the friendly faces of those she knew for a fact cared for her.

She slept soundly, if only because the weeks of exhaustion had finally taken their toll. She was thankful to find that she did not dream of him, even though he traipsed across her thoughts often. She found herself tearing up at odd times, and having to force composure on herself so that people might not notice she was crying. She was thankful when the country she was in seemed to break away from where she had been. It was lusher, greener, and wetter. She could tell it had been raining, could sense the moisture on the air. It was nearly sun down when she finally made it to Rose's, and was so glad to see the woman come running out from the front door that she nearly burst into tears. 

"Rey!" She said, tossing her arms around her. They embraced, and before long, Rey realized she was crying, and there was no hiding it from Rose. "Oh, Rey! What ever is the matter?"  
"It's nice to see a friendly face," She sniffed.  
"Oh friend," Rose said, obviously concerned. "Come on inside, I'll make you some tea," 

Rose wrapped her arm around her and lead her into the house, which was cheerfully lit with a warm fire. It was a small cottage, but Rey felt almost immediately at ease. It was the sort of comfortable shabbiness that Rey adored, and she could tell that Rose spent a good time making the house comfortable. Her trunk was taken from the carriage and carried into the guest room, and Rose took her coat, bonnet, and gloves, hanging them aside. 

"Have a seat," She said, leaning down in front of her friend. Rey felt Rose's hands grasp her own, which had fallen into her lap. "What sort of tea would you like?"  
"Chamomile, if you've got it?"  
"Oh, yes, that is a good idea," She said, rising to her feet and moving into the kitchen. "Finn isn't here at the moment, he's assisting the doctor with a small family who's children are ill," She said. "He'll return tomorrow morning, but I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see you. I barely received your letter today, but it gave me a great joy to know you were coming," She returned with a tea tray, with biscuits and a bit of jam. She set it down, pouring out some tea for the both of them. "I would ask what prompted the journey, but I suppose I already know,"  
"Oh Rose," She said. "I've made such a dreadful mistake in letting my parents marry me off to that man,"  
"Rey, please don't cry," She said, retrieving a kerchief and offering it to her. "I'm sure it isn't as bad as all that. Why don't you tell me what happened, and we'll see if we can talk through it, just like we used to," 

Rey explained, sometimes tearfully, the whole sordid tale. When she was finished, the tea cups were empty and the biscuits were but crusts on the platter. Rose looked at her, concerned. 

"Is there a possibility of an annulment?" She asked. The thought of it pained Rey.  
"My parents wouldn't let me return home I'm sure. It would ruin me...and them,"  
"Oh dear," Rose said. "You could come and live here, with us,"  
"That is very kind of you," She took Rose's hands in her own. "But I could no more ruin you than I could my parents. Finn is a vicar, he would never live it down once the rumors came here, and I am sure they would,"  
"Oh, Rey, we don't care a penny what others think,"  
"But you should," She said. "You wouldn't be able to keep your lovely home if Finn lost his position,"  
Rose sighed.  
"You're free to stay here as long as you like," She admitted. "Let me show you to your room. You look quite done for. I'm sure a good night's rest will set you to rights," 

The room was lit with candles, and it was decorated plainly, but it was comfortable and charming. She could see Rose's touches everywhere, and it gave her reason to smile, even when she felt so miserable. She did her best to unpack her trunk in her state, having brought with her a few books, and the simple gowns she'd been forced to take, considering her old ones had grown too shabby and needed mending she hadn't had time to consider. 

She got dressed for bed and fell asleep quickly, happy to be in a place where she felt comfortable, and safe.

❦

In the morning, she was woken up by the chatter of a small house. It made her feel as if she was back at home, and she smiled. She shook off the bad feelings of the previous few days as best she could, and washed and dressed. She found her way out into the dining room. Finn stood and gave her a hug, and she smiled.  
"It's good to see you," He said, patting her back.

Then, all three of them sat down for breakfast. Finn preferred coffee, and Rey saw she had a little espresso cup filled with the black liquid. It was strong, and Rey had never found a taste for it, but she sucked it down anyway, hoping it might restore her spirits a bit. After breakfast, Finn took himself off to work, and she and Rose went about clearing the plates. It felt good to have something useful to do, and she was happy to be able to think of anything other than her own dreadful woes. Occasionally, when she became comfortable, Ren would slip his way into the back of her mind and make her ache anew, but she was distracted enough to pass it by. 

The weeks passed by easily, with the nights being the worse. She found herself wondering what he was doing, and how he passed the time, and if he was as miserable as she was. She hoped he was twice as miserable, for the brute he was. 

During the day, she and Rose sometimes played cricket on the lawn with the neighborhood children, which always resulted in more than a few bruises. She and Rose had never been good at it, but they had gone at it with a fierce desire to be as good as the boys when they were girls. At night, they laughed with Finn, and sometimes drank too much of the red wine that was bottled in the vineyard up the road. Rose and Finn had a great many friends, all of whom Rey could say she liked, and she realized that this was the sort of life she ached for, one she might never have with Kylo Ren. 

That big, cold house with too many servants and not enough warmth would never suit her, no matter how much she tried to fold herself to meet it. 

It was about a fortnight that had passed before the letters started appearing. 

The first one came during a particularly dreary day, as it had rained all morning. Rose set it on the platter, offering it up to Rey as a bit of a joke. 

"He has a very fine hand," She said, smiling. 

Rey rolled her eyes and carefully grasped the letter, requesting to be excused to read it. 

She had a thought to throw it away without reading it, but curiosity got the better of her. 

_Rey,_

_I can only think over the past few weeks what a fool I've been, and how I ran you off. There are so many things that I should have done differently, said differently, but I have the misfortune of having too hot a head and little to temper me...excepting, of course, you. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I would beg it of you just the same. This house is dreadfully empty without you, and my days go by with a miserable slow pace without the idea that I might see you, if for only a brief moment. There are so many things here I had wished to show you, and share with you, and I am wretched with the thought that I may have ruined that opportunity before it ever began._

_Please come home,_

_Kylo ℛ_

Rey crumpled it up and threw it into the trash. 

The next one came from Leia, and she was so embarrassed that the woman might know of the problem that she was unsure she wanted to read it. She sat staring at Leia's dark, cramped hand for a long time, wishing she could go back to when this all started and run away from home. She might never have seen Kylo Ren again, in that case. Finally, she bore herself up and opened the seal, carefully reading Leia's hand. 

_My Dear,_

_My brute of a son has told me what has transpired between you, and has mentioned to me that you might wish to annul the marriage (and that there might be significant evidence to do so). He has a fierce temper, quite like I did when I was a young woman, and has yet to learn to bear it without giving into it. It has always been his greatest fault. I had hoped, when I saw you, that you might temper it in him, but I understand that you are in the frightful situation of having a near stranger as someone who should be very intimate to you. If it is an annulment you would like, then he is happy to give it to you, but I ask that you reconsider. It is not within my scope to give you advice, but I saw something of a spark between you two when I last saw you, and I believe that if you are patient with one another, you might encourage it to grow. He has asked me not to interfere with it, but I suppose I am as bullheaded as he. Please think on it._

_Sincerely,  
Leia Organa_

Rey kept this one, rereading it a few times. She was trying to find the artifice in it, but she couldn't imagine Leia interfering just to lie to her. There were other letters from Ren. He was not begging, persay, but she found he would write to her of the daily goings on in his life. He told her of scarlet fever making the rounds in the town, having carried away with it two infants. He told her of the servants scuffles, and sometimes, he penned poems for her, none of which he had written but had copied from books. It was unusual, as Rey never replied to them, but the more he sent, the more she found herself wanting to. She began to realize she could not stay away forever. 

She would have to make a decision about her future. 

Rose and Finn would never admit it, but she knew she was a strain on their resources. Rose was with child, and her belly grew every day. Once the child came, she was sure that her presence would be a further strain, despite all of the help she wished to provide. She had made up her mind to bear it out until the child was born, and then make a decision on what she should do. She knew, either way, that she would have to go back eventually.

❦

Time continued to pass, however, and it brought with it one of Finn's close friends. They were introduced in town one day, and Rey could not help of how fine he looked in his red soldiers uniform. It was easy enough to pretend that she wasn't a married woman, and Poe Dameron was the kind of man that made her wish that she wasn't. He had fine, curly dark hair, and the deep eyes of a man who by his very look was soulful and good. His small, dark good looks were much different from that of her husbands. Rey was glad for the distraction, she had to admit.

She was left alone that morning to divert herself from a headache, and Rose and Finn had taken themselves off to the church. Rey had begged off, and fallen asleep on the couch in the dining room, the fire crackling away pleasantly. She woke when she heard someone ring the bell, and she was forced to make herself presentable in a short matter of time before the servant announced him. 

"Mr Dameron, marm," She said, giving a curtsy and disappearing back into the kitchen, continuing on with baking pies. 

He presented shortly after, with his hat in hand and a whip. He smiled at her and gave a bow. 

"Have a seat, please," She said, and he did. He was all languid coolness, something that was markedly different from her husband.  
"I was sorry to hear of your illness, and made it up in my mind to come and make myself useful,"  
"Oh, it's only a headache," She said. "But you are very kind,"  
"And how is your headache now?"  
"It has subsided, I believe,"  
"Then, will you do me the honor of accompanying me on a ride?" 

Rey knew that it wasn't common for maidens (though she was married) to go about without an escort, especially when there was a man concerned. She thought of what might be said about her if someone saw them together. 

"I'm not sure that would be proper, sir," She said, wishing she could accept his invitation.  
"Well then, how about if I wait until Finn and Rose come home. Then we shall make a picnic of it,"  
"That sounds lovely," She admitted. 

Rose and Finn had a lovely back yard marked with all manner of flowers, some wild and some not. Finn took pleasure in gardening, and was quite good at it. When they returned home, they were thrilled at the idea of a picnic. A blanket was tossed out onto the lawn, and a variety of foods were placed out to be sampled at whim. Hannah, their servant, even offered up a few of her newly made pies. 

Once they had eaten, Poe stood and offered his arm, causing Rey to look sun-ward. She shielded her eyes against it, seeing the outline of his dark, curly haired head. He was a man who managed to look well in a top hat. 

"Have a walk with me?" 

They walked in silence through the lane where it was shady. It was a warm day, and Rey was glad to see the rain had gone for the time being. 

"We haven't much time left in this weather, I believe," He said, and she nodded. "How do you like being married to Kylo Ren?"  
"I am surprised that you ask, I must admit," She said, surprised that he had even brought it up. "Do you know him?"  
"We were school fellows," He said simply. "Though I wouldn't speak ill of him,"  
"Why bother? He speaks ill enough of himself," She said, realizing what she'd said before she'd said it. She blushed, nearly choking.  
He laughed.  
"Let us speak of something else," She pleaded. "I have had enough talk of Kylo Ren," 

And so, he obliged, and they spent a rather nice afternoon in each other's company. 

They spent many such afternoons in each other's company. Poe played piano, while they sang badly, or Poe brought fresh apples, or he came up with some grand scheme to entertain them all. She grew fond of him without meaning to, though Ren was always at the back of her mind, like a viper curled up after a blood meal. And one afternoon, when they managed to find each other together, alone, in the backyard, she recognized the telltale signs of Poe leaning in to try and kiss her. Abruptly, and with panic, she pulled her head back so he would not hit his mark. 

"Forgive me, I misread the moment," He said, immediately.  
"I'm married, Poe," She said.  
"But there has been talk of an annulment," He pleaded. "I wish you had not married that man to begin with,"  
"There has been talk? From who?"  
"Well, of course it didn't go unnoticed that you had barely been married a month before you came here to stay. You've made him quite a laughing stock, though I daresay he deserves it,"  
"Please, don't talk of him that way,"  
"And why should you have to defend him?" Poe asked, standing up. He took her hands in his, grasping tightly. "He is not worthy of you,"  
"But he is my husband, and there has been no annulment," She said, abruptly. "And I am not that type of woman. I thought you would have known me better than to assume that, and if you cared at all for my reputation you would not do this," 

Rey pulled her hands from his, returning to the house quickly. 

"Rey," Rose said, pausing her from her retreat to her room. "I would speak to you a moment,"  
She stopped, turning to find Rose having followed her. Rose took her hands in her own, and looked at her openly.  
"I love Poe," She said. "But you should know he's a bit of a rake," Rose frowned. "You ought to be careful with him," 

She went to be that night, very confused. 

The next morning, while she and Rose were sitting on the couch, Rose trying to stitch together a baby blanket and Rey reading an old book in an attempt to soothe herself, they heard the bell ring. Rey immediately assumed it was Poe, since he had been there nearly every day since they had met with him in town. Therefore, when Rey heard Hannah say:  
"A Mister Kylo Ren, marm", it was all they could do not to let their jaws hit the floor. Rose quickly stood up, her eyes wide, and Rey followed suit. 

He came in in a flurry, all depth and strangeness. He looked unwell, the dark circles under his eyes good evidence that he had not been sleeping. She remembered that his skin had gone brown in the sun, but this Ren was pale and unsettled. She could not think it was only her departure from him that had made him this way. They both bowed awkwardly, and Ren caught his bottom lip in his teeth before he tried to be as polite as he could while Rey introduced him to Rose. 

"Forgive me, I come on urgent business. May I speak with you, Rey?" 

Rose's feathers ruffled like a mother hen, and she looked about ready to tell him off, but Rey stepped in front of her. A look of understanding passed between them, and Rose gathered up her needlework and excused herself. Rey, trying not to look as unsettled as she felt by his sudden appearance, took a careful seat on the love seat. She motioned across for him to have a seat in the chair, but he remained standing. He leaned down in front of her, grasping her hands with his gloved ones. She was shocked, but the intensity of the look in his eyes made her realize that something was amiss with him. 

"Rey, my mother is very ill," He said, without much more of a greeting. "I wouldn't have come, and for a very long time she didn't want me to share it with anyone, but it is too far advanced to hide it now," He swallowed, and she saw tears glimmering in his dark eyes. "That night when...she had informed me, before she left, that she wouldn't be getting better. I didn't know who to turn to, it seems there is no one but you, and I wanted to tell you, but instead I..." 

She blanched, so aghast she was unable to formulate words. 

"Will you come with me? If not for me, then for her?" 

At that very moment, her attention was drawn to Hannah, who always followed the ring of the bell. She said: "A Mister Poe Dameron, marm".

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooeee that was probably a lot to process, and i'm sorry i had to make poe a bit of a rake. he seemed to be the only one handsome enough to pull it off. i'm probably not gonna be able to update for a few days, so twoooeee chapters!  
> enjoy :)


	10. Read to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey kept her hands over her ears, earning a few odd looks. She was too fearful to care, but when they were locked away in the warmth of a room, she was less afraid. It was then that she realized they would be forced to share a room, and a bed. They did their best in shedding what was wettest, leaving them both in underclothes. They strung their clothing out in front of the fire in hopes that it would be dry enough to wear in the morning. Rey was cold, and she shivered excessively because of the shock. When the thunder started up again, she felt herself being lead to the bed. If she had been in a better state of mind, she might have protested, but Ren took her into his arms and she felt the full solid mass of him against her. He was warm, and his fingertips traced soothing patterns through her hair.

❦

Ren was the first to stand up.

"What is he doing here?" He roared, enough that Rey was sure she felt the house shake on it's foundations.  
"Ren!" She said, standing up from the couch and coming forward in the hopes of getting between them.  
"I am one step ahead of you, she's already married to me so you can't despoil her," Ren said, his anger apparent on his face.  
"Oh really?" Poe replied. "There's rumor around the town that you aren't capable of despoiling anyone," He laughed.  
"This is hardly appropriate talk for a waiting room!" Rey shouted, trying to get them to break focus from one another and look at her. Besides that, she hated that Poe spoke about her as if she was a flower yet to be crushed. 

Her attempts to stop her husband didn't work. 

Ren grabbed him by his coat, lifting him off of the ground. Poe was a good deal shorter than he was, so his feet dangled. Rey grasped tightly onto Ren's arm, tugging in an attempt to get him to listen to her, though stubborn as he was he had an easy time of ignoring her. 

"Ren! Stop it!" Rey said, her voice rising in pitch.  
"Oh come on, Kylo," Poe said, though he didn't seem to be afraid. "Listen to your wife. We wouldn't want a repeat of last time, would we?"  
"This time I might not be so kind," He said, through his teeth.  
"I think you've forgotten who was bested in that match," Poe said, with a laugh, like it was all a big joke. 

By this point, Rose had been alerted. Rey worried for her, but even with her small stature she had a presence that spoke volumes. Rey would have found it humorous, this small pregnant woman standing her ground and barking orders at two unruly men. 

"I think it's time you both leave," She said, loudly. "Before my husband comes home,"  
"I am not leaving until he goes," Ren said.  
"You'll have to let me down for that to happen," Poe replied, sarcastically. "Great, hulking fool," Poe muttered as Ren set him back onto his feet. He straightened his coat and glanced at Rey, as if to say, is this what you really want? Before he left the cottage, his walk jaunty with his obvious anger. 

"Now, you," Rose said, obviously not backing down, not even for Rey's husband. 

Ren looked at Rey, unable, maybe, or unwilling to leave her. 

"I am not leaving without you," He muttered. "Come with me," He said. "Please," Desperation edged into his last word.  
"Go outside, Ren," She said, wondering what she might learn from Rose. 

Once Ren left the small cottage, Rey took a deep breath. She looked at Rose, who looked back at her. They both looked confused, and exasperated. 

"What was that?" Rose asked, trying to make some sense of it.  
"I have no idea," Rey said, trying to remember what it was that they had said to one another.  
"You can't seriously be considering going with him," Rose said.  
"I have to, Rose. His mother is dying, and she was the only one who bothered to be kind to me when we were first married,"  
"Be careful, he's like the devil himself," She said.  
"He wouldn't harm me," She said, somehow knowing her words to be true...at least, physically.  
"Hmph," Rose said. "Well, if you must go, you must go," She said. "Let me help you pack," 

They made quick work of it, though Rey was sure Rose might have to send her a few belongings that had mistakenly got left behind. Rey had been there for too long, and they moved too quickly for them not to miss anything. Ren was sulking, and when the door opened, he perked up. He looked relieved to see that it was Rey, clad in her jacket and her bonnet, with the servant carrying her trunk behind her. It was attached to Ren's carriage, and the driver finished his apple and hopped up into the driver's seat. She turned to Rose, who had come out after her.  
"I had hoped to stay and see the baby," She admitted.  
"You will see the baby," She said, opening her arms. They embraced. "Good luck, friend, with husbands like that it's a wonder any of us marry at all,"  
Rey laughed, trying not to cry. 

Ren helped her into the carriage, and she tried not to think about her hand in his, after what seemed like such a long time. She sat across from him, watching as he took his hat off and set it beside him on the seat. He rapped at the door with his knuckles, and she felt the carriage buck forward. She pushed the window back, watching as Rose waved. She waved back, swiping the tears quickly from her eyes. She had made a promise to herself in all of those months that she would allow Kylo Ren to see her cry again. 

They sat in silence for a long time, Ren brooding and Rey doing her best to avoid his gaze. She knew he was looking at her, and she knew he wanted to say something. She herself wasn't sure what to say. When she did speak, he spoke along with her, as if they had both gotten brave at the same time. 

"I'm sorry to hear-" Rey started.  
"I'm sorry about-" Ren also started. "Go ahead," He said, demurring.  
"I'm sorry to hear about your mother," She said, knowing the depth of what he was feeling she might not ever know.  
"I'm sorry about what a fool I was. What a fool I am," He scoffed, peeking out behind the curtain into the oncoming dusk.  
"You are a fool," She admitted. "But you're obviously exhausted. Why don't you try and rest?"  
"I cannot," He admitted. "Have not been able to since you left,"  
"Ren, you're clearly very tired. Just shut your eyes for a moment,"  
"Will you keep talking? The sound of your voice soothes me," He sighed out, roughly. "The thought of losing you to that man," He said. "It makes me angrier than anything,"  
"What?" She asked, wondering what she meant.  
"I had heard that he had been spending a lot of time there,"  
"Is that why you came?"  
"No," He said. "I came because you are my wife, and I missed you,"  
"Nothing happened between us," She said. She wanted to be honest, but she wasn't sure what might happen if Ren knew that Poe had tried to kiss her. He might end up dead. "I thought you might have a better opinion of me,"  
"Rey, are you so very determined to misunderstand me?"  
"Why should you worry about me, I respect the vow we made, even if you do not,"  
"Stop this," He said. "Please. My head aches and I will regret whatever I say to you now,"  
"Fine," She murmured. "I will expect an explanation,"  
"And you shall have one,"

❦

It wasn't to be a quiet night. Rey was woken from her uncomfortable position in the carriage to the boom of thunder. It startled her, and the immediate panic that came with it began to settle in. Ren slept, and she wondered if hell on earth might wake him, considering how pale and unwell he'd looked. She sucked in a deep breath of air, trying to calm herself as the thunderstorm grew in pitch. Rey let out a small whimper, hating that it was the one thing she could not bear. Eventually, the rain came sheeting down so badly that the carriage rolled to a stop at the nearest Inn. Thankfully, they had not been too far off from one. The lack of motion was enough to wake Ren, who's first view was of his wife with her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut.

"Rey?" He questioned, though his attention was drawn by the driver who knocked at the door. He'd opened a large umbrella, though he was already soaked through.  
"Sir, won't be able to get much further t'night, the roads are flooded and I can hardly see the end o' my own nose,"  
"We'll make a stop here, then. Can you run ahead and see to a room?" He didn't look as if he was pleased about having to pause again, but it wasn't as if he could blame the driver for the rain. Rey wondered why it always seemed to rain when they were together.  
"Yes, sir," He handed the umbrella off to Ren, who stepped out of the carriage.  
"Rey," He tried again, offering his hand, concern on his features. "We have to get inside,"  
"I can't," She breathed out, clasping her hands over her ears as another boom assaulted her.  
"Rey, you'll freeze to death out here. Come on, I won't allow anything to happen to you," 

Rey thought she might argue that point, but she was too afraid to do so. She quickly grasped his hand, jumping out of the carriage. He wrapped his arm around her, keeping her as dry as might be, but the umbrella was of little help. They moved quickly into the welcoming warmth of the Inn, though the Innkeep looked a bit crabby about having his sleep interrupted. 

"Got two singles only," He said. "Five copper a night,"  
"We'll take them,"

Rey realized one would have to go to the driver. 

Rey kept her hands over her ears, earning a few odd looks. She was too fearful to care, but when they were locked away in the warmth of a room, she was less afraid. It was then that she realized they would be forced to share a room, and a bed. They did their best in shedding what was wettest, leaving them both in underclothes. They strung their clothing out in front of the fire in hopes that it would be dry enough to wear in the morning. Rey was cold, and she shivered excessively because of the shock. When the thunder started up again, she felt herself being lead to the bed. If she had been in a better state of mind, she might have protested, but Ren took her into his arms and she felt the full solid mass of him against her. He was warm, and his fingertips traced soothing patterns through her hair. 

She stopped shivering. 

She felt so comfortable, her eyes became heavy before she knew it, and she threatened to fall asleep curled up against his chest. She did not know why, but he had soothed her. She heard him speak, which prompted her to open her eyes, though it was terribly difficult. 

"I was engaged once before," He said, his voice quiet. She could feel the rumble of him speaking, as she was laid against his chest. "I was twenty-five, and she was nineteen," He admitted. "I thought I was in love with her, but I was as damnable then as I am now, perhaps even worse," 

Rey glanced up to him, finding his eyes were on the ceiling. 

"She didn't believe I cared for her. Or perhaps, she did not care for me as much as she had implied. It was easy for Poe to snatch her right out from underneath me. He gave her promises of marriage, but after he'd slept with her he was nowhere to be found. I found out only by way of gossip. When I confronted her, she did not deny it. If she had, I might still have married her. I wanted to believe so badly that it wasn't true," He paused, looking down at her, his fingertips lazily tracing the hair at her temple. 

"I challenged him to a duel, like a half-wit," He said. "He nearly killed me," 

She remembered the scar she'd seen on his side, stretched all the way 'round from his navel. She thought, perhaps, it might not be true. This was Poe, Poe who had been so charming and so kind. She wondered at it, though the scar seemed proof enough that he was not lying. She wondered if he'd come to the cottage only to make a conquest out of her at the behest of injuring Ren further. She had trouble believing that anyone could be so vile, especially Poe, but he had known who her husband was. 

"He tried to kiss me," She said. She felt Ren tense beneath her, and she held tightly to him, hoping her shield against the thunder would not disappear. "I managed to avoid it. I told him that I was married,"  
Ren released a sigh. Did it mean he believed her?  
"Not that you particularly deserve my deference," She said. "But you were in the back of my head the entire time,"  
Ren's chest rumbled with sleepy laughter.  
"I don't deserve it, but I intend to try and earn it," 

They fell asleep, just like that. 

In the morning, she woke up with her skin warmed by the sun. They had shifted in the night, and Rey faced the window on her side. She felt him pressed up against her, and he held her so tightly she found it incredible she was able to breathe. She shifted just a bit, trying to see if she might loosen his vice grip on her, and her backside brushed up against something that felt stiff. She flushed a bit, going quite still. She felt the deep, even breathing against her back, and the stiff flesh hidden in his breeches twitched just a bit. She felt a perverse urge to slide around to get a look at him, her girlish curiosity causing her to wonder what he looked like out of his clothes. 

She felt him stirring, and in tandem, he released his grip on her. She shifted forward just a bit, her cheeks burning as she pushed herself up and out of the bed. She turned away from him as she stood, and he seemed to realize what it was that she was uncomfortable with. 

"It's...normal," He muttered, reaching for a pillow and using it to cover himself while she carefully got dressed.  
"I'll see you downstairs," She said after she dressed, heading out of the room and downstairs. There wasn't much for breakfast, so she pulled an apple out of her belongings. 

She watched the driver deal with the horses, and stood a little straighter when Ren came downstairs and dealt with the payment for the room. She offered him an apple once he came outside in the sun. He thanked her, saying it was a welcome reprieve from gruel...which is exactly what was being served for breakfast. 

They were silent for the remainder of the journey. Rey kept thinking about what had happened, and Ren slept off and on, but when he was awake she could see the concern on his features for his mother. He loved her, and he didn't want her to die, obviously. She thought that he looked better though. The circles under his eye were less pronounced, as if he'd slept peacefully through the night. She did not know how far his parents estate was from where they were, but another full day passed of riding in a bumpy carriage. By the time they pulled up to the estate, it was dark, and she could barely see the house, set back as it was on the drive. 

She was sore, and Ren helped her out of the carriage, though she had to resist the urge to rub her butt and legs back into feeling again. Ren looked gloomy, and she found herself wanting to bolster him, as he'd helped her with the thunder. She found it hard to continue hating him when he gave her little bits of what he could be like, the man she hoped he was. The door was rung, and she saw Ren's father peel it open. The house was smaller than she was expecting, she estimated it only had a few rooms to spare. 

"Sorry to wake you, father," He said.  
"Not at all, your mother will be very happy to see you," He stood back from the door, wrapped in a robe, with a night cap perched atop his gray hair. "And who is this you've brought?" He asked, unable to see until the candles were lit. "Oh, it's your wife. I haven't seen you since the wedding,"  
"Yes, sir," She said. "I'm very sorry to hear about your wife,"  
"Yes," He said, suddenly distracted by something. "You must be tired. I'm afraid you and Ren will have to share a room, as ours are being re-purposed for doctors and the like,"  
"Of course," Rey said, though in her mind, she was wondering how many more strange nights she would have to pass with her changeling of a husband before nature might take it's course between the two of them. 

She wondered if she was exactly adverse to the idea.

❦

This wasn't to say that Ren slept often. The night of their arrival, Leia had been asleep, but he'd gone straight to her room to watch over her, as if guarding her might keep her there among them a bit longer. The dark circles under his eyes became once more a concern, making him look rather like a shocking ghoul. He hadn't come in until the morning, and it had been to wash his face and change his clothes.

Rey sat with Leia when she was lucid enough to talk. She read to her, often, and did her best to be useful in a house that was largely a sick room. She noticed that Han was often out, as if he was hiding from the reality of it. When she mentioned it to Leia with some concern, all Leia would say was that it was just his way. The doctor's did not believe the prognosis was good, which made Rey all the more sad for Ren. One evening, as they were drinking tea in her room, she looked at Rey and grasped her hand. 

"You are a good, strong girl," She said. "I hope you'll stay with him," She said. "You must come every night and make sure he goes to bed. He looks like he's risen from the tomb of Lazarus," 

They laughed, but Rey took the instruction to heart. 

Leia slept, and Rey found Ren watching carefully over his mother whilst trying to read a novel of some kind. Rey carefully smoothed her skirts and quietly entered the room with a nurse maid who had been stationed with Leia at night until Ren had sent her away. He looked angry at her, but she refused to be cowed by him. She would stand her ground. 

"Matilde has come to watch your mother for the night," She said.  
"Matilde can go back to wherever she came from," He had in his voice that abrupt quality, though she refused to be afraid of him.  
"Ren," She said. "You are no good to your mother in the state you're in," She said.  
"Please leave me," He said.  
"No," She muttered, standing her ground. "I will not,"  
Ren looked as if he was a bull, ready to blow steam from his nostrils. When he saw the serene countenance of his wife, his anger seemed to melt away. He laughed, albeit exasperatedly.  
"Goodnight, Matilde," She said, and the maid gave a bow and took her seat beside Leia's bed, taking up some needlework that might be done in the low light of the candles. 

She took Ren's hand, leading him back through the hallways to the room that they now shared. Rey had filled a chipped blue and white vase with flowers she'd picked from the wilds, and her books were strewn here and there. Her personal belongings where there, as well, brushes for her hair, a mirror, and the ribbons she used for her own styling. Ren looked surprised, but not uncomfortable. His own trunk had been unpacked, his clothing folded away so that it wouldn't start to smell of the trunk. 

"You unpacked my things?" He asked.  
"I had little else to do," She admitted to him. "I was trying to be useful to you,"  
"Why?" He asked. "When I've been so...awful,"  
"That doesn't mean you deserve to go unattended to," She said. "If I can be useful, I will,"  
He swallowed, his face looking boyish. It was odd how he cycled between looking like a man, and looking like a bereft, lost boy.  
"Shall I take the couch?"  
"No, have the bed," She conceded. "You're in need of it,"  
"I won't have my wife sleeping on the couch,"  
"You are stubborn," She muttered. 

She found herself unbuttoning his double breasted coat. It was a moment of domesticity that she found herself caught up in, and she hadn't quite realized she was doing it. When she saw the look he had on his face, she cleared her throat and stepped back, her cheeks dusted with pink. Of course he could undress himself. 

"I'll step outside, if you'd like to change,"  
"That isn't necessary," 

She turned 'round as he took the job over, moving over to the mirror to unpin her hair. She couldn't quite help but catch sight of him in the mirror, his broad shoulders cut with fine collarbones, his stomach corded through with taut muscle. He looked thinner than he had, and Rey found herself making a note to try and force him to eat, as well. One battle per day, she supposed. When he caught her looking at him, she turned away. 

"We've slept in the bed together before," He said. "Perhaps we ought to try it again," 

She couldn't decide if she hated the idea, or if she liked the idea. She did like that he seemed to be trying compromise, at least asking before he relegated himself to the couch. She knew he would never let her sleep on it. She began to undo the lacing at the back of her dress, watching as he turned away, his eyes on the ceiling. They had seen each other (mostly) undressed before, but each time a new day came it seemed they were back to tiptoeing around one another. It wasn't so hard to believe, considering how fraught things had been between them as of late. 

"Let's try a deal, shall we?" She asked, draping her dress aside to be sent out with the wash. She took a moment to undo her corset, and found he was staring at her.  
"I don't like the sound of this,"  
"We'll sleep in the same bed, and I'll read to you at night, but you have to promise to let the sick maids do their job, and leave your mother at night. It won't do any good to any of us if you die, too," She thought she was done, and he was about to speak but she stopped him. "And," She started. "You have to eat all three of your meals," 

Ren looked sulky.

"Indeed," He finally replied, moving to pull the bed covers back.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woee you all, hope not to cause undue panic but i'm real close to gettin' evicted. life is tough. i say this because i hope to keep updating pretty quickly, but if the updates seem to slow down considerably its just because i'm trying to get my life back into order.
> 
> also, if you were expecting that i wasn't gonna slip a morning wood joke in there, you came to the wrong place. move along.
> 
> do you like this work and maybe want to help out? buy me a coffee!  
>   
> link can be found over @ my tumblr http://dark-and-terrible.tumblr.com/


	11. Compromises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are small," He reached up, brushing his thumb against her cheek. "And perhaps a bit brown," He leaned in, just a tad, looking as if he might kiss her. "Despite this, in my approximation, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had a chance to keep company with," 
> 
> And then, he did kiss her.

❧

She watched him as he slid into the bed, resting at first on his back. She felt she was being watched, as if the line of his sight caused her skin to tingle as she brushed her hair out and prepared herself for sleep. It did not take her long, and she turned to find that he was watching her. He seemed thoughtful, as if there was something he wanted to ask her, but he didn't. She grabbed one of the books she'd borrowed from the library. It was 'The Castles of Athlin and Dunbayne', and when Ren got a good view of the inner title page, he smirked.

"That novel is too fantastic by half to be read at bed time," 

Rey settled into the bed, upright on the pillows that she'd built up into sort of a chair. She pulled her knees to her chest, peeling the book open. 

"If I'm to read to you, I reserve the right to choose the reading material," She paused, looking at him. "And, perhaps you need a bit of fantastic," 

He let the issue lie, and she found she was impressed and proud of her new ability to stand up to him. Perhaps, without even knowing, she had always held this sway over him but had been too afraid to try it out. He blew the candle out on his side of the bed, leaving the room half dark with only her candle flickering in the chill air, and the light glow of a dying fire accompanying it. He closed his eyes, and she was struck by the unorthodox shape of his profile. Kylo Ren was not handsome, and yet he had somehow come to be so in her estimation. 

She began reading, listening for the sound of his breathing. When it became deep and steady, she realized that he'd fallen asleep. She shut the book, and set it gently aside, and was about to blow out her candle when she was caught with looking at him. He had shifted onto his stomach, leaving the smooth lines of his back jutting out from beneath the blanket. His face was turned towards her, his lips in a bit of a pout as his face was pressed against his pillow. She didn't think she had ever seen him look so peaceful. 

"It isn't polite to watch people while they sleep," The deep tones of his voice, erupting so suddenly from him, caused her to start and gasp. He laughed, his brown eyes opening to take in her countenance. "Let it be said that I warned you that book was too fantastic," He teased. "You will be seeing skeletons around every corner," 

"I thought you were supposed to be sleeping," She said, her breath still quick from the scare. "And you're certainly awful," Though she couldn't help the smile that tilted her mouth.  
"Rey," He said. "Why is it that thunderstorms scare you so?"  
The question surprised her. It was as if he'd been mulling over how to ask it.  
"I thought I was supposed to be reading,"  
"You've done enough," He said, reaching out to sleepily grasp her knee. It was affectionate, and it did startle her just a bit. "If you don't wish to tell me..."  
"No, I'm just surprised you asked," She said. "It was Easter Sunday when I was about eight years old," She began. "We had gone out in the carriage for a grand picnic, and I was wearing this robin's egg blue gown that my mother had made up especially for the occasion," She smirked a bit when she saw his face, resting her cheek on her knee. "I didn't care for gowns when I was a girl and I was known for destroying them at every turn," 

She paused, and he reached out to brush a wisp of dark hair away from her mouth. 

"I had gotten the front of it completely covered in mud," She said. "Mother was so angry," She frowned a bit, looking away. "She walked away so fast, and I lost track of her. I got lost," She picked at the edge of her nightgown. "I'd never been out in a thunderstorm," She admitted. "My father found me curled up in one of the hedgerows," She said. "Completely soaked and terrified. He bundled me up and put me in his study in front of the fire. That was how I used to weather them, but now..." She sighed, glancing back at Ren. 

"You don't have your father's study," He said, his deep tones pleasing. Kind, almost.  
"Right," She said, softly. 

She hadn't noticed that he had inched forward. He was rising up from his spot, using the strength of his arms to adjust himself into an upright position. They were then face to face, and she found herself caught in the depths of his brown eyes. She had never thought them beautiful before, but she realized then that she did. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, before he inched forward just a bit. She felt his fingertips slide into the wave of her hair, resting at the back of her skull. 

"I do have a study," He started, his voice barely above a whisper.  
"You do," She said, her voice quiet and distracted. She wasn't focused on what they were saying. She seemed to come back to herself, teasing him. "Which you very rudely threw me out of the last time I was in it," 

He dropped his head, laughing a bit. 

"I suppose I deserved that," He said, pressing a kiss instead to the exposed flesh of her shoulder, which she wasn't sure wasn't more thrilling than her lips. "I promise never to throw you out of it again. My study is your study,"  
"Oh really? Even when you're writing poetry?" She opened her mouth in a mimic of surprise, and his eyes widened.  
"How did you know about that?" He asked.  
"I helped myself to one of your verses," She admitted. "Lovely lips and eyes so green," 

Kylo Ren groaned out his embarrassment. 

"You'll kill me before dawn," He said, rolling back onto his back, laughing. "I will get it back from you," He teased.  
"No, I don't believe you will," She leaned down, and in such an easy way it was surprising, she kissed his mouth. 

This time, he kissed her back. 

His fingers were in her hair, and he was so achingly gentle that Rey realized she wanted to get to know him, all of him, and she wished (with some fervency) that they had a good deal of time to do so. She found him drawing her nearer, and she found she desperately wanted to let him, but she also found she wasn't so sure of him yet. What if they finally managed to do what everyone was expecting of them and he changed his mind? What if he came to view her as nothing but trash, and threw her out? She wasn't sure she'd survive it. It was hard not to let her body take over, however, and hard to believe that he wouldn't desire her as much as she desired him with the way he kissed her. 

"Mmh," He sighed out sleepily, pleased, when she leaned back. "You've gotten better at that," The teasing continued, and she smiled, though she couldn't help but notice how tired he looked.  
"Goodnight, Kylo," She whispered, dropping a parting kiss to his lips before he did earnestly fall asleep.

❧

They slept tangled up and warm, with the same kind of comfort that Rey was sure she hadn't experienced since she was a girl. When she felt him stirring, she realized with some sadness that it was the sunlight that roused him, and they wouldn't be able to stay in their sleepy cocoon forever. Of course, as much of a diversion as it had been, there were still realities to deal with. Leia was ill, and Ren was so distraught he could hardly bring himself to sleep. There was only the hope that she might turn around, in time.

She was half awake, half asleep when she felt him gently slip out from beside her. He dressed carefully, and quietly, and Rey kept her eyes closed for as long as she could, even after he was gone. She smiled, feeling him kiss her temple before he left. The morning was a chilly one, and Rey had never liked getting out of bed in the winter. It seemed spring and summer had passed, and were quietly giving way to autumn. Rey dressed in a heavy dark skirt, into which she tucked a linen shirt, rather like the ones her husband wore. She buttoned a vest over it, which hugged her tightly and was structured a bit like a bodice. It might have been boyish, but Rey wore her long hair down, curled wildly and pinned at the temples. There was no need to be so fixated on it now, considering where they were. 

When she came down into the dining room, she was surprised to find Ren sitting at the breakfast table. He had been served a full plate of food, and Rey noted the pleased look in his eyes when he saw her. He seemed to enjoy her less than formal appearance, and the wild nature of her hair. His father was also there, and his eyes slid between the two of them before he cleared his throat. 

"Will you join us for breakfast, Mrs. Ren?"  
It was odd to hear her married name, but she didn't defend against it.  
"I felt as if we might not see you, Mr. Solo," She said, glancing at Ren's father.  
"Oh please, call me Han," He folded up his daily paper. "It's good tea this morning," 

Rey sat across from Ren, who looked at her with his wide, clear gaze. They both paused, briefly taking one another in before they continued on with eating their breakfast. Rey was pleased to see that he was eating heartily, eggs and stuffing and a piece of cold meat pie. He drank tea like he hadn't had anything to drink in weeks, and Han watched him coolly with the eyes of someone who was bemused but unwilling to ask. 

Ren had some business that could not wait, even beyond that of the sick bed of his mother, something to do with the estate and a little infraction with a tenant. He would be gone for most of the day, Rey was sorry to hear. She watched him pull on his great coat and his top hat and, from the window, watched him ride away on his great horse. She went upstairs to find Leia up, having been put into a contraption that was a chair, with wheels. The doctor had brought it up. 

"Marm says she's feeling well enough to go outdoors, today,"  
"I'm glad to hear it,"  
"Only if you'll accompany me, Rey," Leia said in her husky, deep tones.  
"Of course," 

And so, they carried her down the stairs. Leia was intent on spending the day out of doors. It was a nice day for it, sunny but not too warm, the chill breeze making it perfect to be out. She seemed stronger, and she argued with the maid that it was too much time in bed that was going to kill her. They went out afield, though it wasn't too far, into a shady spot where there was enough flat grass to spread out a blanket and indulge in a picnic. Rey read to her, finding that she had the same proclivity that her son did, though not the same disapproval of Mrs. Radcliffe. 

Leia fell asleep somewhere in the hottest part of the afternoon when the bugs whirred and the day seemed to settle around them softly and silently, resolved with the fact that it's life must soon come to an end. The nurse wheeled her back indoors once they had eaten, and Rey stayed behind to help clean up the blanket and the detritus, and after awhile, was surprised to hear a horse's hooves thundering up behind her. She was surprised to see Ren astride it. She lifted her hand to shade her eyes against the falling sun, watching as he hopped down from the horse. 

"You've come back early," She said, a smile lifting her features.  
"I wasn't expecting you to be waiting for me," He teased.  
"Well, what use is a wife if she will not wait for her husband?" She teased back, rolling her eyes. "Help me fold this,"  
They paused for just a moment to fold the blanket, which Rey kept clasped against her stomach as they made their way back up to the house. Rey realized she would miss it, when they eventually had to return to the big house. She tried not to think of it.  
"How was your business?" She asked, turning to find he was staring at her.  
"I was distracted, but it went by quickly enough. Something to do with a stolen animal,"  
"Do you always attend to those disputes?"  
"Often, yes, unless it can be handled by the steward," 

When Ren's horse was stabled and they were back inside, the candles and fires had already been lit. Once the the sun fell, the night became rather more chilly than the day. One of the servants came up and asked what was to be done for dinner, as Leia had taken hers early and was currently resting, and Han was holed up in his study. 

"We can eat at the small table in the waiting room," Ren offered, glancing at Rey. He seemed hopeful she would agree to dine with him.  
"Yes," She agreed, almost without thinking. 

Ren went up stairs to change out of his riding clothes, coming down looking a good deal more overdressed than she was thinking he might. He'd put on a fresh pair of breeches and a shined pair of boots. He wore a clean silk shirt with the sleeves slightly puffed out and buttoned at his wrist, and over was a waist coat that was black with silver lining. His hair was shining and dark like a bird's wing. 

"I feel under dressed," She said as he came to sit at the table across from her.  
"You look lovely," He admitted, as if her taunt had caught him off guard.  
"Thank you," She said. "You look quite handsome yourself," 

And there, on his cheeks, was the faintest tinge of a blush. She felt as if she'd won some small victory, though she didn't know why. 

It was a small dinner, and Rey had instructed just to bring out the entire spread instead of breaking it up into courses. There was a simple soup, and braised pork with mashed potatoes, and whatever vegetables cook had hacked out of the garden that morning, which was mostly cabbage, tossed up into some sort of slaw that was pleasingly sweet and tangy. 

"I believe the food here tastes better," She said, after a good deal of silence. They didn't seem to know how to begin, as if each time they left each other they back-tracked just a few steps.  
"I've always thought so,"  
"I'm surprised at your agreement," She said, taking a bite. After she had done chewing, she spoke again, politely covering her mouth. "I would imagine you think the dinners at that great house are far superior,"  
"Far more complicated, perhaps," He said, dropping his napkin on the table to indicate he was finished. The servants that attended them had been sent away, so it meant they would likely be left with the clean up.  
"It must have been lonely, in that house," She said.  
"It is never empty," He replied. "And yet, somehow it can be lonely,"  
"We were always in close quarters in our little cottage. I did not think I would come to miss it until I was in your home,"  
"Our home," He corrected. "Would you walk with me?"  
"It is cold out," She said, though she was already in agreement.  
"We will bear it," He said, standing up from the table, a smile on his face. 

They took a moment to clear away the dishes, leaving them in the kitchen to be dealt with by hands that were likely far more skilled than theirs. The kitchen was already in a bit of disarray, but it was comfortably disheveled. Rey grabbed a heavy shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. Ren had gathered his coat, pulling it on before they slipped out through a back entrance of the house. She could tell it was a little secret he'd been keeping, and he often came this way. 

They kept a slow pace, and Rey gathered her arms tightly around herself in the chill autumn tinged air. They kept bumping against one another, drawn into each other's orbit by something unspoken. She seemed to know very well when Ren wanted to talk about something, but she couldn't have expected what he said next. 

"Rey," He said, pausing in the small garden, where the roses had just begun to wilt. "Do you wish to..." He stopped, and she watched him try to choose his words. "Do you wish to remain married to me?"  
"Why," She found herself unable to get the words out. "Why do you ask?" She felt her heart sinking into her stomach. At one time, she might have given her right hand to hear him ask her that, but now...now she wasn't sure it was at all what she wanted.  
"I know that you do not care for me as you might have if you had chosen me yourself," He paused. "And I had heard talk that you might seek to annul the marriage...considering we have never..." He cleared his throat, expecting her to fill in the rest. 

Rey tried to fight back the tears, wondering if this was the time that he might confirm her as not worthy to be his wife, he might reconsider the match and let her free of it. She also knew that if she was ever going to know how he felt, she was going to have to ask him. 

"Is it..." She swallowed, trying to blot the oncoming tears from her eyes away before they even got a chance to begin. "Is it what you want?"  
"No!" He said, so fervently and forcefully it nearly made her drop her shawl. "If, however, you feel the same as you did, then the only course open to me would be to allow it. I am afraid I care rather too much for you to keep you trapped within something you despise,"  
"Oh, Ren," She said. "I don't despise it,"  
"You don't?"  
"No," She started. "Sometimes you are abrupt, and you do not think before you speak. You are also stubborn, bullheaded, and impossible at times," She paused. "But I don't despise you, not a bit. In fact, there was a time I wish I had. Maybe then all the ire from your friends about the match and...your ire about it that night I left might have been easier to bear with," She looked down at her fingers, picking at the fringe on her shawl. "But your care for your mother and your care for me in these past few days has made me realize you might not be all that I assumed,"  
Ren looked remarkably relieved.  
"Ire from my friends?"  
"Oh yes," She said. "What was it he called me? Too small and brown? I believe the word ugly was used,"  
"You heard that, did you?"  
"Yes,"  
"You are small," He reached up, brushing his thumb against her cheek. "And perhaps a bit brown," He leaned in, just a tad, looking as if he might kiss her. "Despite this, in my approximation, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had a chance to keep company with," 

And then, he did kiss her.

❧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of fluff here because i felt the need to make up for not enough of it in the last coupla chapters.  
> i hope, that if you're having a rough day, or a rough week, that the suuuuper sugary sweetness of this chapter makes you feel a bit better. thank y'all for all your huge supports, you have no idea how your comments keep me going!!


	12. Bedsheets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was warm, and he swept his arms around her, wrapping her in the cocoon of his coat. He lifted her up from her feet and she gave a short noise of surprise, having been forced to loop her arms around his neck as he drew her up into the kiss. He let her slide back to her feet, their bodies in such a close proximity that she seemed to feel every bit of him. He broke the kiss abruptly, and took her hand in his. He turned and lead her back into the house.

❦

He was warm, and he swept his arms around her, wrapping her in the cocoon of his coat. He lifted her up from her feet and she gave a short noise of surprise, having been forced to loop her arms around his neck as he drew her up into the kiss. He let her slide back to her feet, their bodies in such a close proximity that she seemed to feel every bit of him. He broke the kiss abruptly, and took her hand in his. He turned and lead her back into the house.

"Kylo?" She asked curiously, finding herself trailing behind him. He had a wide gait, after all. "I thought we were going to walk," 

She realized he was leading her back upstairs, and she began to think that his thoughts were perhaps as often on the fact that they had yet to consummate the marriage as hers were. She was sure that he might have carried her, if there wasn't the risk of being seen by a servant (though most of them had likely gone off to bed). She had to admit, she felt a bit strange about completing the act in his parents house, but she was so addled that she was earnestly considering it. The rooms were distanced, not so close together, but Rey found herself anxious. After all, it was likely he was more experienced than she. 

When they were behind closed doors, he slid out of his great coat and looked at her, his features a bit rosy from the cold. 

"Yes?" He asked her, almost breathlessly.  
"Yes," She said quickly in reply, just as breathlessly. 

She certainly hoped they were talking about the same thing. 

He closed the distance between them by stalking back across the room, though she found herself wrapping her arms about her chest defensively. He glanced down at her, though she could not find it in her to look back up at him. 

"Have I ruined it already?" He asked, though there was a faint tinge of sadness in his quiet voice.  
"No," She said, finally finding the courage to look up at him. "I am not so experienced with this," She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.  
"Ah," He said, a small smile lifting his lips. "Have you changed your mind?"  
"No. Just be patient with me," She finally said. 

He nodded, and the look on his face seemed to suggest that at that moment, he might do anything she asked of him. 

He reached out, his hands on her arms, sliding up and down her biceps in a comforting fashion. She felt herself melting into the touch, and her arms dropped away from her chest. The fire had already been lit, and the room was warm, though that may have been the result of something else entirely. He placed a few lingering kisses to her lips, and Rey noticed her defenses drifting away, like sand at the beach on a windy day. 

She felt his fingertips undoing the buttons on her vest, and she felt him draw it back until she adjusted her arms and it fell to the ground with the slightest noise. Her face was so warm that she felt it might burn, and she felt every brush of his hands when he rested both of them at her waist. Before too long, the fastening at the back of her skirt was undone, and the shirt she'd chosen had been lifted up and over her dark curls. She expected him to perhaps fumble with the corset, but he did not. When she was left in her camisole and her stockings, he lifted her up and placed her atop the bed. 

Her boots were the first to go, and shortly thereafter her bloomers. And then, she had the distinct pleasure of watching him undo the garters at her stockings, his hands warm over the silk of the stockings. He slid them off her legs with a careful hand, and she noticed his hands were slightly calloused, the action leaving her with goose flesh and the need to shiver. She was a bit fascinated at how well versed he was in removing clothing, and she thought to tease him about it, until she felt his hands drift over the top of her freckled thighs and realized she did not want him to stop. He completed his work, undressing her completely. She let him. She felt exposed, but she trusted him, almost completely. 

She released a slight gasp as she felt the pad of his thumb brush over the sensitive bud of her nipple, feeling the skin there tighten up in response to his teasing. He kissed the other, his tongue warmly encapsulating the flesh and drawing out of her another surprised sigh. He looked as if he might wish to make a meal of her, his eyes intently focused on her when he leaned back, leaving her skin chilling with the wet of his mouth. 

She felt her legs being spread by his overlarge hands, which had slid themselves devilishly between her thighs. She was sure she must have been beet red by then. His movements were exploratory in nature, as if he'd been waiting for a very long time to see her out of her clothes. She supposed that he had been. She felt his thumb-tip slide along the soft mound of her sex, and she caught her bottom lip in her teeth.

"What are you doing?" She asked, quietly.  
"Do you want me to stop?" 

She shook her head. 

"It will hurt less, this way," He confessed. 

He was rubbing in circles on her flesh, his thumb seeking out the bundle of nerves that rested just there. Rey was unaware she had it. She let her head drop back against the pillow as he hit his mark. It was such a strange sensation, almost too much in that it was nearly painful, but the more he did it, the more it became an overwhelmingly lovely sensation. She felt the same swollen, wet warmth that she'd had when she'd dreamed about him. She had been warned that this night would be painful, but she hadn't expected to have a husband who seemed interested in making it pleasurable for her. 

She arched her back, her hands coming forward to grasp his wrist in a motion that was made to help her get even closer to him. She pushed into him, finding herself dreadfully disappointed when he pulled his hand away. She opened her eyes, taking a moment to look down at him. He was kissing his way along her inner thigh before his fingertips spread the folds of her, and his tongue flattened against the very sensitive spot he'd just been teasing. She let out a gasp, followed by a low moan, her back arching anew and her fingertips sliding into his dark mass of hair. 

She felt the intrusion of his finger inside of her, though she found it wasn't unpleasant. With the action of his mouth, she was lost in sensation, her hips rolling each time he used the force of his mouth to get a little more reaction from her. She was desperate, but she wasn't sure for what. She seemed to come to the realization that he was teasing her, edging her along to whatever end she might come to, even if she herself was unaware of it. 

"Ren, please," She gasped out, unsure of what she was begging for. 

She was so close to something, and yet it eluded her, for just a moment. He became more insistent with his actions, and she felt the second digit bury itself inside of her. She felt her breath catch so completely in her throat that she couldn't breathe, she couldn't even make a noise until a ragged moan forced itself past her vocal cords. Her back arched in such a way that if she hadn't been so distracted, it would have been painful. Her vision went white, and she was wracked with a completely foreign sensation that shuddered through her. At first, it was thunderous and overwhelming, and then it left her with little bubbles of pleasure and a decidedly warm, thoroughly pleased feeling. 

She felt him pull away, and was forced to release her grip from his hair, leaving him looking mussed and pleased with himself. She felt as if she was too spent to move, though she couldn't help but watch him as he unbuttoned his waist coat and slid it off. He lifted his shirt away, revealing the expanse of his chest. She reached out, deliriously letting her fingertips slide along his firm stomach. She didn't know what she was doing, her body appeared to be driving her actions. 

His boots and breeches were gone before long, and she propped herself up on her elbows to get a look at him. She had been curious to see him out of his clothes, and she wasn't disappointed. She expected to be alarmed, but she only found herself curious at the sight of his erection. He didn't waste much time with the show, instead joining her back on the mussed bed. Her legs were spread, and she felt the stiffness of him against her. That was certainly alarming, but the friction of his movements made it less so. 

Slowly, very slowly, after some preparation, he was inside of her. He was too much, too fast, and Rey was forced to release out a light, pained gasp. Ren quickly stopped his movement, and pressed his features into the dark curls at the crown of her head. He was a rubber band about to snap, she could feel the tension of him trying to control himself rolling off of him in waves. 

"Relax, if you can," He breathed out. "This is the worst part, the first time," He gave another huff of air, and she felt the hot breath on her forehead. 

"I am well," She said, leaning up to catch his lips, managing to land the kiss at the corner of his mouth. She didn't know why, she wanted him to feel as lovely as she had, and she wasn't glass.

She felt him continue, and her fingertips grasped at his neck and shoulders, leaving behind marks in his skin with the intensity of it. She gasped out his name, though before long she had a new bevy of sensations to deal with as began moving his hips. At first, it was painful, but as he moved it became less so. His movements became erratic, and she could hear in his ragged breathing that he was rolling towards something, and she wasn't surprised when he came, just like she had, the sensation rattling through him like a hurricane, twitching inside of her... a irregular groan escaping the depths of his chest.

Though it was painful, the feeling of being connected in such a way certainly wasn't a bad one. So much so, that when he left her, it felt unusual.

She let him slip from her, watching as he rolled off to the side so as not to lay all of his weight on her. The sudden lack of him made her gasp a bit. She laid there for a moment, trying to catch her breath as she watched him attempt to catch his own. She rolled to face him, and he opened his eyes to look at her, a smile on his mouth. She leaned in, wrapping her arms around his neck and trying a few kisses at his lips. He returned them, a satiated smile on his face. 

"Did you feel..." She wasn't even sure what question she was trying to ask him. "Did you enjoy it?"  
"Yes," He rasped out. "I had been wishing to do that for quite some time,"  
"My mother said it was meant to be terrible," She said. "That wasn't terrible at all,"  
"I am pleased to hear that the experience was not terrible," He grinned.  
"I suppose an annulment is not an option now,"  
"No," He laughed, softly.

❦

Some time before dawn, she woke up from a dead sleep to find the weight of his arm still coiled heavily around her middle. She was pleased at it, considering she'd wondered if he might just leave her after what had happened. She slid out of the bed carefully, trying not to disturb him. She watched as he subconsciously shifted into the warmth she had left behind on the bed, reaching for his robe and pulling it on over her bare frame. She realized she was a bit sore, and was forced to pause a bit in her movements.

She used what was left the cold rinse water to clean herself up, despite the fact that it was chilly. When she made her way back from the bathing room, she found him propped up and awake, his head cradled in his hand. She felt a bit disappointed she had woken him up, but she couldn't find it in herself to be embarrassed. 

"I would rather you did not get dressed," He teased, the blanket dipping low at his middle.  
"It's nearly morning," She offered, as if it might bring him some sense.  
"And?"  
"And," She began, sitting back at the bed. "We should probably present ourselves, fully clothed, for breakfast,"  
"Do you really believe they will notice us missing?"  
"Your mother will, certainly," She said, leaning down to kiss his mouth. 

It was perhaps, a poor idea, as it seemed to reignite the feeling in him from the previous night. Maybe it was one that had been boiling just there beneath the surface and she hadn't realized it. He tugged at the fabric of his robe, pulling her quite completely into his lap. She felt the resolute hardness of him between her legs, and as he rolled his hips she, unwittingly gave out a small hiss of pain. He stalled, immediately. 

"Are you well, wife?"  
"Sore," She muttered, then a bit embarrassed.  
"My fault, I'm afraid. At least stay for a proper bath," 

She was curious enough to move off of him, her fingertips peeling away the blankets. She grasped the length of him with her fingertips, carefully feeling out the warm flesh. He twitched underneath her touch, and his once clear gaze became a bit foggy as she tested him for reaction. He reached out and grasped around her hand, showing her the stroking motion that suited him best, and she was pleased when he dropped his head back into the pillow with his eyes sliding shut. 

She leaned down tentatively, kissing the head, which caused him to snap up. He looked astounded that she might try it without instruction. 

"Does it feel good, this way?" She asked, and he nodded.

She used her mouth to encompass him (as much she could, anyway), and enjoyed the feel of his fingertips pulling her hair away from her face. He tasted salty, but Rey didn't find it unpleasant. He resisted the urge to buck his hips, though he breathlessly instructed her to move more quickly in his haze of positive stimulus. 

"Come here," He intoned, darkly, and she wondered if she had done something wrong.  
"What is it?" She asked, licking the salt taste from her lips. 

It was a fumble then, of his hands between her legs, his fingertips expertly teasing her until she was flushed and gasping, though he didn't finish the job. He pulled her back into his lap, sliding the head of his length inside of her. He filled her quickly this time, causing her to release a short cry. He chuckled, quietly, and shushed her before he kissed her, trying to swallow the sounds she was making so that no one might hear. She was sore, but it was less painful than it had been the first time. They moved together, her hands braced on his chest and his on her hips, helping her to mold her movements. 

It happened relatively quickly, and was just as surprising as it had been the first time, though, with some rarity, they came together. She bit into her bottom lip so hard it nearly drew blood, and she felt him push himself so roughly into her, his motions more erratic than they had been before. It was abrupt, and somehow more intense, though it did not last as long as the first had, though Rey was struck with the sensation of not knowing where he began and she ended. He released a soft groan, falling back onto the bed. She fell atop him, her breath stilted and ragged. 

"Again?" She asked playfully, once she had regained some of her breath.  
"And again, and again, if you were not sore," He teased, not having quite caught his own breath. 

Even so, there was something pleasing about the thought of spending the entire day in bed...doing _this._

They laid there for a time before the sun started to spill into the room and the sounds of the house waking up began to stir them. Ren called for hot water to be brought for a bath, and the both of them, rather like children, bathed together. Rey felt a bit better after having soaked in the hot water, and Ren had poured in a salt solution that was supposed to help with aches and pains after he had finished rinsing himself. She soaked for a time before they helped one another get dressed, and she found herself realizing how quickly this might become routine. 

When Rey pulled the blankets back in an attempt to make them, she realized that there was blood on the sheets. It was not a lot, but the bright red could not be hidden against the snowy sheets. She gasped a bit, surprised at it, though she supposed she shouldn't have been. 

"There will be no way to hide that, will there?" She asked, in a whisper.  
"I am afraid not," Ren said. "Unless you'd like to try spiriting the sheets out of here, but then we might have to answer as to why they're missing,"  
"Oh," She sighed out, unsure if she was ready to have the rest of the world know what she had only just come to accept herself.  
"Does it bother you?"  
"It just seems unfair to have to share it so soon," She admitted.  
"We don't have to share it," He said, his hand sliding around her waist, kissing her temple. "I will request that they remain silent about it, if they can,"  
"Will your parents be angry?"  
"No!" He laughed out. "My mother asks me often why you aren't with child yet,"  
"With child?" She watched him walk away, intent on heading downstairs for breakfast. "Ren, wait a minute..." She murmured, trying to catch up with him.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen you guys, i am really not good at writing smut so i hope this wasn't disappointing. i wanted to finish it late last night and sneak it in here so maybe it might go unnoticed, but, well, here it is. have some smut on the lords day. (also i like legit struggled with the fact that they were going to be doing the deed in his parents house but this is just how it worked out i am prepared to be endlessly roasted for this)
> 
> now i will wakka wakka backwards out of here
> 
> also do you want more smut y/n circle one


	13. Journeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He glanced up briefly at first, before realizing it was his wife. He dropped the pen and smiled at her, leaning back to watch her set the flowers at his desk. She moved past him, opening the curtains and letting the sunlight spill into the usually dark cave. It still smelled a bit of stale cigar smoke, but she noticed that the decanters on what used to be the drink cart were empty, which made her smile a bit. He was trying.

❦

Into every life a bit of rain must fall, though Rey had been hoping that they might be able to hold onto their newly found happiness a bit longer than just a day. It had seemed so hopeful for Leia, and she had been so strong the day before that no one was expecting it when she simply fell asleep and did not wake up again.

Rey was glad her death was peaceful, no last spasm or pain to carry her away, but she knew that Ren was heartbroken. He became drawn and wan, and his sudden interest in eating blew away on the wind. Even Han, who had been so distant in the last few days, grasped his wife's hand and cried into the blanket of her sick bed. She had yet to see her husband cry, though she suspected he was holding it back, to his own discomfort. She would not be permitted to attend the funeral, but she helped in preparing Leia for her passage, washing her hair and dressing her. Rey clasped a favored necklace around her throat, hoping it might give her comfort on her way. There were guests, so many coming and going with condolences and heavy hearts. Even her parents came, and Lady Holdo, to pay their respects. Rey had never seen so many people clad in so much black before in her life.

Rey noticed that none that she met were Leia's brother, which she found decidedly strange. 

The smell of orchids were heavy in the air for the few days that it took to prepare the funeral, until she was carried away and placed in her casket. The maids had the duty of clearing out the room, where they left behind bright rose petals on the freshly made bed. Rey felt overwhelmingly sad about her death, but she could not cry. She found that in a house full of men, she was the most grounded of them. She made sure the house continued to run while they were carried away with grief. She could not blame her husband, and was only hopeful to support him while he grieved. 

She found herself sleeping alone again, most nights. Ren kept to the study, and drank far too much claret. It concerned her, but she could not force him to be happy again, and she was still a bit fearful of confronting him when he'd had too much to drink. His mother had just died. It was one such night that she fell asleep on her own, missing the weight of him beside her. She woke up to a noise, finding he was standing at the edge of the bed with his hand braced against one of it's posts. She sat up, squinting in the dim light. 

"Ren?" She asked, curiously. "Is something the matter?" 

She sat up quickly when she realized he was shaking, and it became apparent that his face had crumpled away into grief. He was crying, or making his best attempt at it. She could tell he had not allowed himself to do so, much in his life, and remained quite silent about it. 

"Oh, Kylo," She murmured, feeling him wrap his arms around her and bury his head into her stomach. 

She ran her fingers through his hair, letting him cry until the front of her nightgown was wet with salt tears. He smelled of claret, and himself, and she rested her head against his, finding she had rather missed the scent of him. Rey did not bother with condolences, she found they always fell short, and she knew that he was too smart to believe any of them, anyway. She hoped he would come to process it in his own time, though she wished that he would let her near him again. This, however, seemed to be a very good step in the right direction. 

He fell asleep in his clothes, and slept so soundly she thought he might pass a few days sleeping away. She knew he had not been sleeping very well, and he only managed to grasp a few hours before dawn crumpled over the desk in the study or curled up on the love seat there. Sometimes, they found him asleep in his mother's room, which had gone mostly untouched since she'd died. 

When the morning came, Ren was still sleeping away like a rock beside her. She drew herself out of bed carefully, choosing a black dress with a puritanical white lace collar. She had never looked very good in black, but it was not the time to care about it. She smoothed her hair out and pinned it up into a chignon, which was more austere than she usually cared to go. She decided she would allow Ren to rest, and perhaps bring him up something that he might eat. If he died because of his grief...well, she couldn't bear to think about it. 

She found Han in the dining hall, drinking tea and trying to swallow down some toast and berry jam. 

"Good morning," He said. His face was covered in gray whiskers, and his hair had gotten long.  
"Good morning," Rey said. "I am glad to see you eating. Perhaps you can convince your son,"  
"He will come 'round," Han said. "He and his mother were very close," He took another sip of tea. "Closer than he and I ever were,"  
"Leia was a very kind woman," Rey said, sitting down to eat her own toast and tea.  
"Yes, she was," He said, glancing at her. "There is something I would talk to you about. I have been afraid of speaking of it with my son. Perhaps you might know how to break the news to him more kindly than I can,"  
"What is it?"  
"I...have never felt quite at home in this place," He said. "It was always Leia's cottage, and I was content to remain for as long as she was here. Now that she is gone, however..." He sighed. "...I intend to close it up. I cannot bear being here any longer. You two are welcome to stay, if you like...but I thought it might be a good idea to get Ren out of here as quickly as possible,"  
"Oh," Rey said, softly. She brushed some crumbs from her fingertips. "Yes, I suppose I agree. He seems to be reminded of her here,"  
"One day, no doubt, he'll come to enjoy her memory, but now it is fresh and stinging I wonder if he might not allow himself to succumb to it,"  
"I hope not," Rey said.  
"Yes," He said, smiling. "You have come to care for him, haven't you? Despite your ill beginnings,"  
"I am afraid I have,"  
"Let me know of your decision, if you will remain or not,"  
"Where will you go?"  
"Back across the world, I suppose. Was never very good at remaining in one place for too long,"

She nodded her head, and they finished breakfast in silence. 

She brought a tray up for her husband. He still slept, and she sat at his side on the bed, setting the tray on the nightstand. She had gathered things that might be easy on his stomach, as she knew he'd have a headache if claret was anything like champagne. She had, however, asked the cook to make a pot of coffee. The scent of it stirred him, and when he opened his eyes he gave a sharp inhale of breath and used his forearm to cover his gaze from the onslaught of the sun. 

"I began to think you would sleep all day," She said. "Will you eat?" 

He shook his head, finally shifting to sit up. 

"Please?" She begged, concern heavy in her voice. 

He acquiesced to her request, and she was pleased to watch him finish off two slices of toast and some of the oatmeal she'd brought, even if he pulled a face with his distaste of it, which only made both of them smile. She was glad to see him smile, again. He finished the coffee, which seemed to bolster him a bit, and he sat up straighter and squinted less into the sun. He drank two full glasses of water, as well, and Rey reached out to brush his disheveled hair from his temples. He kissed her fingertips, and she knew then that he had not meant to shut her out, but had instead been unable to let her in until then. 

Kylo Ren seemed to do things in his own time, and Rey appeared to be learning that it was never good to try and force him into something before then. 

"I missed you," She admitted.  
He took her hand, kissing her palm.  
"I am sorry, indeed," He murmured. "As you know, I am inexperienced with such things,"  
"It seems we both have something to learn from one another, then,"  
"I had wondered if it was possible to just disappear," He admitted, and suddenly, Rey felt tears in her eyes, stinging uncomfortably.  
"I wish you would not talk that way," She said, her voice shaky. "You can't mean to disappear, just when I've come to care for you," She sniffed, though the tears rolled down her face anyway.  
"Rey," He said, surprised. "I don't mean to leave you," He pulled her into an embrace.  
"Then you must eat, and you must come to bed, and you must stop drinking so much claret at night,"  
He laughed, and the rumble in his chest soothed her.  
"Fine," He agreed. "Rey?"  
"What is it?"  
"I think we should go home," 

And for some reason, she was relieved to hear it.

❦

They gathered up their things, and made preparations for the journey back home. Han saw them off, though the goodbye between him and his son was chilly at best. Perhaps, without Leia around, it would be even more difficult for these two to continue on in a relationship. Rey wondered if she would ever see him again, in fact. They left early in the morning, in the hopes of returning home as night fell, but there may have been a need for a stop in between. Instead of sitting across from one another, as they had previously, they sat beside one another. Ren slept throughout most of the journey, his head on her shoulder, but Rey found that each day that passed he came back to himself. She suspected, however, that something would be inescapably changed within him.

Rey saw with some surprise when they pulled up to the large house that the servants had been gathered to welcome them home. They were greeted by all, though Ren seemed excessively exhausted with the whole thing, he managed to keep his countenance friendly. There was some immediate business that needed seeing to, and just enough time left in the day to see to it. Rey realized that she was required to approve the lists for dinners, and food, but she told them to bring food to Kylo's room and allow him to rest. When she instructed the valet to bring her trunk to her room, she heard Kylo speak behind her. 

"You will bring it to my room," He instructed. Rey was so caught off guard she hadn't the time to disagree, but she didn't believe she would have anyway. Still, it felt rather like a claim to her - in front of the entire household - that they would no longer be keeping separate rooms. 

In fact, he instructed that all of her belongings were to be moved to his room, and the staff did it with such an amazing speed that she could only blink before all of her things had been moved into his chambers. The room was more than large enough for both of them, and she felt at ease being among his belongings. 

Ren kept to his bed for a couple of days, and Rey tried to catch up with having been gone for so long. She found that the staff gave her more deference, and more respect, the more she spoke up. She made sure that Ren ate, and regained his strength, but she knew that he had yet to shake off the cold chill of his mother's death. She was just thankful he hadn't become ill with it. She slept beside him at night, but much to her disappointment, there was yet to be a repeat of their first night together. She found herself aching for him in ways she hadn't expected, but she was patient with him. 

She was not yet with child, she knew. Something in her just told her that it had yet to happen, and she worried that maybe she was one of those women that might not be able to have children...unaware that sometimes it did take more than one try. She wished they might have been able to tell Leia she was to have grandchildren before she died. 

It was a particularly sunny day when Rey had caught up with her duties that she decided to take a walk. She had stopped wearing black, though her husband still did, and she felt the need for fresh air and exercise. She made her way down the lane, though despite the sun it was still chilly, and she kept her shawl clasped tightly around herself. The leaves had begun to change color, painting the landscape with deep reds, oranges and yellows. She wished that Ren felt well enough to walk with her, it was so lovely. 

Rey felt lonely without him, and wondered if she might go spend the afternoon at Holdo's, who had seemed interested in becoming her friend. 

As she made the trek, she came across a familiar looking man. From the distance, she could not make out who he was, but when they came closer, she realized it was Poe. She felt suddenly quite irritated. What was he doing there? Her opinion of him had changed so completely, especially when she realized how dishonest he had been with her. 

"Ah, a good afternoon to you," He said, all smiles.  
"And to you, sir," She said, trying to school herself. "What do you do here?"  
"Oh, I have taken a house in the neighborhood," He smiled, quite like a snake. "It's a lovely place to live, isn't it?"  
"Yes," She said, trying not to grit her teeth.  
"I've just come from Lady Holdo's. I am sorry to hear of your mother in law's recent passing. Leia was a very good woman,"  
"Thank you, sir,"  
"How she came to raise such a son," He said. "Rey. Might we be friends again?"  
"I'm sure she would not hear of you if she knew that you had tried to kill him,"  
Poe's look became blank, and a bit dangerous.  
"Oh, come now, Mr Dameron," She said. "We are to be neighbors. Let us not argue," She offered her hand, which he took, and kissed, before they said their goodbyes.

Rey did not finish her walk to Holdo's. She waited until he got a good distance off, and took a short cut back to the house. She was so angry, she would have to save the visit for another day. 

When she got back to the house, she was surprised to find her husband up and about. He had dressed, and eaten, and the valet told her he was in his study, dealing with the pile of work that had grown significantly. The country surrounding would understand, but only up to a point. Rey had stopped to pick wildflowers on her way back, and she instructed that they be put into water. She brought them with her in a vase, and knocked softly at the door. Ren's commanding voice came forth, issuing permission to enter. 

He glanced up briefly at first, before realizing it was his wife. He dropped the pen and smiled at her, leaning back to watch her set the flowers at his desk. She moved past him, opening the curtains and letting the sunlight spill into the usually dark cave. It still smelled a bit of stale cigar smoke, but she noticed that the decanters on what used to be the drink cart were empty, which made her smile a bit. He was trying. 

"You look upset," He said. "What is it?"  
"Oh," She sighed, rearranging the flowers. "Poe has taken a house in the neighborhood. Did you know?"  
"No, I did not," He said, his teeth suddenly gritted. "How fortunate for us,"  
"Yes, indeed," She sighed, propping her butt at the edge of his desk, just in front of him. "You look well," She said, and he did.  
"So do you," He said, reaching out to grasp her about her waist and pull her close.  
"You did not tell me you would be getting out of bed today," Her fingertips toyed idly with the buttons on his satin black waistcoat.  
"I don't believe I'll be spending any more days abed, unless of course my wife requests it," 

She couldn't help her smile, and the flush of her cheeks. 

"Come on then," She said, sliding out of his lap and grasping his hand. "Let's have dinner," 

They stole what they could from the kitchen without being noticed, Ren even going so far as to pluck a bottle of wine from the stores. It was his house so it seemed silly to deem it a 'theft', but perhaps they were still a bit childish, and got a bit of glee from stealing and sneaking. They had propriety to deal with, and neither of them were in the mood to feign it. They ended up on the floor in front of the fire in 'their' room, which was covered in a rug that probably cost more than Rey's entire childhood cottage. Ren had stripped down to his shirt and his breeches, and Rey had let her hair down and was currently warming her bare feet. 

"She would have been pleased," He said, after they had eaten.  
"What do you mean?" Rey asked, curious.  
"My mother. When she first met you, she told me: here is a girl who won't let you get away with everything'," He finished off his single glass of wine, setting it aside to be cleared. "She would have been pleased that we managed to come to a compromise,"  
"Did you really dislike the match as much as you said?" She inquired, having been curious about it.  
"No," He admitted. "I admit, I did not know what to think of you at times," He looked at her. "But I believe that even then, I had come to feel something for you,"  
"Is that why you kissed me, that night?"  
He gave a noise of disgust.  
"Oh, I behaved very poorly that night. I am surprised you allowed me to lay hands on you again after that,"  
"I had thought that I wouldn't," She teased, standing up and brushing crumbs from her skirt. 

The dress she wore was one a maid had helped her into, with a line of small buttons all the way down the back. She did her best to undo them, but was pleased when she felt Ren behind her, his fingertips deftly pulling the button away from each fastening. He did so slowly, almost reverently, and she felt the dress gap away from her. She slid her arms out of it and stepped from it, and his hands grasped the whalebone corset and pulled her back against him, the curve of her butt fitting quite nicely against his front. He finally undid the thing, and tossed it aside. 

She turned around and looked at him, a bit of mischief on her face. 

"You are quite good at removing gowns," She playfully intoned, her features sharp.  
"Do you really want to talk about that right now?" He groaned out, moving to wrap his arms around her as she playfully squirmed away from him.  
"Were there many?" She asked, resting her butt at the edge of her vanity as he lifted her legs and settled himself naturally between them. She couldn't help the small sigh that escaped her, the movement had rattled her off of her course of harassing him.  
"A few," He said honestly. "Mostly when I was in the service," 

Rey felt a bit jealous, wondering at what he had been like those first few times, though it wasn't the type of jealousy that made her angry with him. She only wished, in small part, that she had been his first. However, she was glad that at least one of them seemed to know what they were doing. He began kissing her, further throwing her off course, his mouth kissing along her jawline and then her neck - the barest shadow of his facial hair having grown in. The sensation gave her pleasant goosebumps.

"Does it make you angry?"  
"No," She said, a bit out of breath.  
"This is much more pleasant," His voice was reassuring. 

She found herself aching at the thought of him, realizing it would not take much this time around. She reached out, helping divest him of his breeches, enjoying the feeling of his hard length against her. She was so hungry for him that she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his middle, keeping him locked in place. She felt the head of his length within her, and then, after a few tries, he had completely filled her. She released a gasp, this one much less pained than the first had been. She enjoyed the amorous groan that escaped him, and released fluttering little puffs of air when he started moving within her. She rose up to meet him, grasping at him, wanting to take him in as much as she might get away with. 

The motions became so rough and rollicking that some of her items rattled off of the vanity, her hand mirror cracking as it landed on the ground with a thump. Her noises were far less restrained this time, and she kept begging him for more, which he willingly gave. She came first, releasing a cry that felt louder than it was, her whole body seeming to roll into his as she tensed around him. It did not take him much longer, her name on his lips like a prayer that he uttered hotly into her ear as he pushed into her so roughly she had to bite her lip and dig her nails into the skin at his shoulders. 

Eventually, they ended up in bed, and it happened a few times more, each less desperate than the last. As the night grew later, they took more time with feeling one another out, and by the last time Kylo Ren whispered in her ear that he loved her. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her. She was a bit surprised, but not entirely, as she had suspected that she had fallen in love with him too. 

She told him as much when they were wrapped around one another, buried deeply into a warm cocoon that blocked out the rest of the world. She felt thoroughly exhausted, and it was as if all of her small aches and pains were gone entirely. She fell asleep thinking how strange it was that she had fallen so completely in love with a man she had barely even expected to care for.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some sad stuff here, but some not so sad (and incredibly mushy stuff) here also.  
> rollin' thru to the end of this fic, probably only have a couple chapters left to go. it's been so fun to write! kinda sad it is probably coming to an end soon, but hopefully you'll re-read it or, share it with your friends who might also happen to be reylos
> 
> thanks again for all your kind support on the previous chapter!


	14. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She peeled back the neck of his shirt, her fingertips tracing the deeper part of the wound at his collar bone. She pressed a kiss to it, hearing the rumble of enjoyment bubble up from the depths of his chest. Rey thought she was in danger of loving him more, his flawed face only that more admirable in her mind. He had rather the look of a rake, then, even if he was the farthest thing from one she could imagine.

❦

The sunlight woke her up.

The slant of the light pouring into the room made her realize how late it was, and she shifted slightly towards the end of the bed, meaning to get dressed. She didn't realize that her husband was still beside her, and he was awake. He propped himself up, his fingertips coming to play along the expanse of her bare back. 

"Where are you going?" He asked, curiously.   
"It must be late," She said, smiling at him over her shoulder.   
"It is," He confirmed. "Did you have a pressing appointment?" He asked, smiling.   
"No," She said, watching as he sat up and pressed his lips to her bare shoulder.   
"Stay," He murmured, with such a softness it was hard to deny.   
"I'm starving," She confessed.   
"Me too," He said. "It's easily remedied,"   
"Have you been waiting?" She said, coyly, a smile turning into a grin.   
"Yes," He said in reply, kissing her lips before he slid out of bed and pulled his robe on. "I was marveling at my dumb luck," 

Rey laughed. 

She watched as he flagged down a passing servant, managing to keep as behind the door as possible. Soon, they had food, a tray full of pastry, tea, and fruit. Kylo handed the one from the previous night off to a confused looking servant and shut the door behind him, locking it. Rey slid out of bed and turned to find him watching her. She felt different, no longer shy under his gaze, but willing to let him look. It pleased her that he enjoyed it. She did pull on a clean night dress, however, and greedily grasped a cup of warm tea, sipping it back. It was strong, and she felt a bit revived. 

She henpecked from the tray, eating the slices of fruit left behind and trying one of the chocolate pastries that seemed better for dessert rather than breakfast. Ren came to stand beside her, and they ate like this. She laughed as he managed to get powdered sugar across his lips, which she kissed away easily, coming away from him with the sweetness lingering. 

"Did you mean it?" He finally asked her.   
"What do you mean?" She asked curiously.   
"What you said, last night, did you mean it?"   
"Hmm..." She murmured, torturing him. "Yes, of course I did. Why, didn't you?"   
"Yes, Mrs. Ren. I do, in fact, love you,"   
"And I love you too, I suppose," She teased, and he kissed her to shut her up. 

They spent the day in bed, at the behest of Rey, who had requested it.

It was difficult to part with him the next day, but he had business to attend to, and she had a few letters that had been piling up. One was from Rose, who had told her that her baby had been born. She described her son, who was mostly just 'chubby', but Rey couldn't imagine him being anything but adorable. She penned a response, hoping that they would come visit when the time permitted. There were other letters, some offering condolences, some requesting aid, which she would have to show to Ren once he returned home. 

When she was done penning out replies, she decided to get dressed for a walk and gathered a basket full of fruit and trifles to give to Lady Holdo. She made the walk easily, even if it was a long one. She was glad for the fresh air and the exercise. She knocked at the door, finding a servant peering through into the light. Her presence was told and after a bit, she was admitted. 

She was lead to the waiting room where Holdo had seen her before, and she found the woman already with tea. 

"Oh, it is good to see you!" Holdo said, standing up and grasping her hand, pulling her into the room. "I had begun to wonder if we ever would again,"   
"Of course," She handed the basket over to her, which she then handed off to one of her staff to be brought to the cook.   
"You are kind," She said in response. "Thank you," She motioned. "Have a seat," 

Rey did so, and they sat across from one another in silence. Holdo looked concerned, and the more Rey looked, the more she realized that the woman was trying to gauge her health. 

"Is something the matter?" Rey asked, curious.   
"I just thought there might be some outward sign..."   
"Outward sign? Of what?"   
"You haven't heard then?"   
"No," Rey admitted.   
"There's talk all over town that your marriage is to be annulled, and that you were...." She cleared her throat. "Unfaithful to your husband whilst you were away,"   
"Unfaithful?" Rey exclaimed. "It isn't true!"   
"Oh, I must confess, I am glad to hear it," She sighed, pouring out a bit of tea. "Of course, with the source I had to verify myself,"  
"The source?" Rey then remembered Poe walking down the lane from her home. "You can only mean Mr Dameron,"   
"Yes! He made it quite clear that once it was over, he was to marry you! Of course, I've never seen him follow through on that promise...which is why I had hoped it wasn't true,"   
"It isn't," Rey said, angrily. "I spent some time with him, but it was always in company, I can present witnesses,"   
"Oh, I'm sure you can. I fear that Mr Dameron has other motives, and you are merely a means to an end," She admitted.   
"I apologize, I must cut this meeting short. I should be home before..."   
"Yes, yes! Of course. Go on and settle it, I'll come down the lane in a few days to see how you do," 

Rey quickly made her way home. Her thoughts ran between anger and anxiety. What if Ren believed it? What if he didn't want her? Even if Poe was lying, it seemed unlikely that her reputation would ever recover, and she knew it was important to such a great man in such a great house. She nervously awaited him, though he didn't return home until the sun had gone down. When she heard him unlatch the door to the bedroom, she stood up quickly from the fire. She could tell by the look on his face that he hadn't gone unscathed by the rumor. 

"You've heard, then," She said, her gaze dropping fearfully to the ground. "It isn't true!" She said, fully prepared to defend herself.   
"Of course it isn't true," He said, looking at her. He pulled his hat off, along with his gloves, tossing them atop the bed. "No one would have doubted it, had they been with you the way I have,"   
"It must be such a blow to your reputation," She said, fretting. "I did not mean to bring such shame on you,"  
"Damn my reputation," He admitted. "If I cared a whit about what people thought, I would not have married you," He sighed. "There were many great ladies I could have chosen,"   
"But..." She began.   
"No, no buts," He turned to look at her. "If the next words out of your mouth are to be that you will leave me to my fate, then I don't wish to hear them," He said. "We are married, and unless you mean to try and beg off now, we'll remain married,"   
He surprised her. She had been so sure he might toss her off like garbage.   
"Why do you look so surprised?" He asked. "Did I not tell you that I loved you?"   
"Yes, of course, but you can't be so cavalier when you are the biggest figure in the county,"   
"Damn the county, we'll move!" He said, coming to grasp her tightly. 

She tripped into his embrace, glad to find him still solid and unwavering. She felt the tears bubbling up, and she cried into his great coat. 

"I wish I had never met him," She sniffed out.   
"I wish I had never met him," He admitted. "It's much more to do with me than it is to do with you,"   
"Why does he hate you so?" She asked, leaning back to look at him. She felt him wipe the tears away from her cheeks.   
"There's no grand reason," He said. "We were rivals nearly from the start, except that he bested me in almost every thing," Ren did not sound bitter, he only sounded as if he was stating facts. "To claim that he'd always been envious of the opportunities I was presented, and perhaps in his eyes...wasted, would be only to guess at it,"   
"What will we do?"   
"Nothing," He said. "You'll do nothing. I'll deal with Poe Dameron," 

If only she had known what he meant.

❦

The week went by rather uneventfully, so much so that Rey had allowed herself to be lulled into a false sense of security. They spent their days with duties and their nights together, often keeping each other awake until the latest hours right before the dawn. They woke, ate breakfast, and repeated the entire thing over again. It was a routine that Rey came to find comfort in, and each night she could not wait to get back to him again.

One morning, there was a small deviation from the routine. Ren had gotten up early and left her sleeping, and when she woke, she found he had been replaced with a small note. It said nothing but: I love you. - R 

The oddness of it did not settle on her until she'd looked at it a few times over. He had not mentioned any business, and why would he leave such a note as if....as if he was saying goodbye, just in case? Rey realized then what he had meant to do all along, and was so unbelievably angry with him that it took her a moment to realize that she needed to act quickly. She sprung out of bed and dressed in a hurry, running down the stairs. At first, Ren's valet told her nothing. And then, after a good deal of harassment, he told her that in fact, Ren had (again) challenged Poe to a duel. 

"No, no no!" She shouted. "Where are his pistols?" When the valet looked dumbfounded, she shouted it again. The man was forced to show her where Ren kept them. 

Her father had taught her the basics of pistols, and she grabbed the lightest one she could find, taking a moment to load it before she demanded that the valet show her where they were set to meet. Rey told them to saddle a horse, as it would be the quickest way. She only hoped she knew the county well enough to find them before one of them ended up dead. She tried to ignore the worst case (and most likely scenario), that it would be her husband. 

To add to the day's total oblivion, it began to rain. 

It rained so hard that she could not see, and it began to thunder so furiously she thought that lightning might fell her before she even managed to get there. She was terrified, but she could not stop, and she would not allow it to stop her. She was soaked through, and cold, but her adrenaline kept her going. When she came to the clearing, it was already in progress. She could see where Poe had slashed into Ren's arm, the white of his shirt caught with blood. She could also see that Poe was not uninjured. Ren was fine with fencing, but she could see that Poe was better. It was sheer will and rage that kept her husband moving, and she watched with horror as Poe sliced him from brow to collar bone. He fell back, but was not down. She hopped down from the horse, running as quickly as her legs might carry her. 

"Ren!" She shouted. She had not meant to distract him, as it might have been a split second where he might have ended up dead, but luckily, Poe was caught off guard as well. 

Ren used the opportunity, even through the blood now in his eyes, and caught Poe in the meat of his shoulder, nearly running him through. He pushed forward, and Poe fell back, Where she expected Ren to take the opportunity to strike a fatal blow, he hesitated. He pulled his blade from Poe's flesh. It would not kill him, if a physician could see to him quickly enough. 

"You will take another house, far away from here," He said darkly, and moved out of the range of danger, his gloved hand coming to hold his eye. Poe could only nod. 

The duel was then, considered finished, as Poe did not get up, and no one seemed interested in killing any longer. Rey's presence had taken the venom from the situation. 

Rey came to stand in front of her injured husband, pulling his hand away to get a look at the wound. 

"You came all the way here in the rain?" He asked, surprised.  
"Don't look so touched," She said trying to wipe the blood away so that she might see the wound. "I am so angry with you that I swear I won't look at you for a week,"   
Ren laughed, as if he couldn't help it.   
"It isn't funny," She muttered, through she realized that she was smiling and crying at the same time. She was so relieved he had lived that she kissed him, coming away with the copper tang of blood on her lips, the rain coming down in sheets around them, soaking them both. 

He pulled back, seeing the pistol. 

"What were you planning to do with that?" He asked.   
"I was either going to kill him, or you," She said, exasperated. 

He laughed, kissing her again. 

Ren survived. So did Poe, though his injuries were much more serious. Ren's face was bandaged for a good few months, and Rey kept good on her word - she didn't look at him for a week. She was angry he hadn't told her, and though he told her he had felt it was necessary, she made him swear to never do anything so stupid ever again. They were lucky it did not become infected, and Ren was lucky that Poe had missed his eye, otherwise he might have been blind in it. Rey would have accepted it, if it meant that Ren survived, but she was glad he could still see. 

The months passed, and when the bandages were finally able to come off, Ren was left looking ever more like a fearsome beast than he had before. 

She sat in his lap that night after dinner, brushing his hair away from his face and getting a good look at the (mostly) healed scar tissue. It struck him above his brow bone, along his cheek, and down his collar bone. It was an ugly scar, and if Poe had had a stronger motion behind it, it might have done much worse. Her fingertips traced the ridges of the scar tissue, and he let her, as it no longer hurt him, though it wasn't even completely healed yet. 

"Am I very ugly?" He asked, opening his eyes to look at her.   
"Yes, quite," She said.   
He smiled.   
"I suppose, then, you wish you had left me,"   
"I suppose I do," She said, tilting his chin up to look into his eyes, her features giving no indication that she was joking.   
He gave her that look that was half hopeful, half agonized, and she found herself unable to keep up with the charade.  
"If I had meant to leave you for one little scar, I would not have bothered trying to save your life to begin with, even if you are a great, stupid beast,"   
Ren laughed.   
"It suits you, anyway," She admitted.   
"Does it?"   
"Yes. You've never been very handsome," She teased, pressing kisses to the scar tissue that ran along his cheek.   
"I know that," He said in reply, smirking. "And yet, somehow, I managed to make you love me,"   
"A mystery to all of us," She continued to tease him. 

She peeled back the neck of his shirt, her fingertips tracing the deeper part of the wound at his collar bone. She pressed a kiss to it, hearing the rumble of enjoyment bubble up from the depths of his chest. Rey thought she was in danger of loving him more, his flawed face only that more admirable in her mind. He had rather the look of a rake, then, even if he was the farthest thing from one she could imagine. 

She did not fear him, because she knew him, but he looked all the more intimidating. 

"Promise me you'll never be so flippant with your life, again," She said. He had promised her, over and over again, but she wanted to hear it again.   
"I promise," He said, lifting her features up and kissing her.

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is (kind of?) the last chapter. I have an epilogue, which I'll get up today, but this is it folks! <3 
> 
> ( i just couldn't resist giving him that ugly scar from tlj)


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han kept to the other wing of the house, finding that the smaller rooms suited him better. It was pleasant to have him around, as he helped with the children when he could and it seemed, as time passed, the ice between he and his son seemed to thaw. They spoke often of Leia, and how Ren's daughter did remind them both distinctly of her. Ben turned out to be a bit sulky, like his father, but in rare moments of sunshine he smiled and laughed and it seemed to turn the whole world on it's ear.

❦

"I am so pregnant I want to die," Rey sulked.

Ren looked at her in an appraising fashion, his brow arched upwards, before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her huge belly. 

"You can't die, it's too late for that now," He teased, leaning back up.  
"You cannot know what it's like to be this huge," She continued to whine, and he laughed at her. 

She had been reduced to confinement some time ago, as her belly had grown too large to hide any longer. She was kept to the house, where she grew bored and unhappy. Being pregnant was uncomfortable. Every part of her was swollen, and she was sure that if she needed to get anywhere, all one need do is roll her there. She wondered at how she was still able to fit through doors. There was then the kicking, which seemed much too raucous for one baby, and the constant trips to the chamber pot. 

In other words, she was uncomfortable, and she wished that the baby would just come out of her already. 

Her mother came to see her almost every day, fawning over her pregnant daughter. Ren teased that it only seemed to worsen her mood, but it wasn't as if she could tell her to stop coming. It was her grandchild that she was carrying. Ren stayed with her as often as he could, but he had other things to see to most days, even if he was enamored with his pregnant wife. He had continued to make love to her each night until she was just too large and it began to be a bit uncomfortable. 

Perhaps not surprisingly, it was a rainy morning when she began to experience intermittent spasms of pain that got closer and closer together. The midwife was called for, and Rey spent the whole day pushing, one, after the other. It came as a shock to both husband and wife that she'd been carrying twins, one a girl, and one a boy. 

Ren was so shocked she could see the glimmer of tears in his eyes, and he held them both in his arms for a very long time. It was the last thing she saw before she fell into a deep sleep, unable to overcome the exhaustion any longer. 

They had their own nursery, but when they were young, they slept in between their parents most nights. The girl, they had named after Leia, and the boy they had named Benjamin, shortened to Ben. They both had more hair than babies should have, dark thatches atop their head that she was sure she had Ren to thank for. 

It was a near sleepless year. 

Rey had written to Han some time before she'd been in confinement. She did not know if the letter would find him, only that there was a post that she was meant to direct correspondence to, somewhere half way across the world. She thought it was important that he know he was a grandfather, and sometime after the twins first birthday, he showed up on their doorstep looking windblown and tan, with only his belongings on his back. 

The twins took to him almost immediately, and as they grew older he taught them all sorts of nefarious things that were not meant for children. 

The county gossip died down, and once Poe was well enough to get out of bed, he left, never to be heard from again. Rey was thankful for it, as it turned out as well as could be expected. Eventually, the ladies began to treat her with some modicum of politeness, though she wasn't sure she would ever be invited to any tea parties. 

Han kept to the other wing of the house, finding that the smaller rooms suited him better. It was pleasant to have him around, as he helped with the children when he could and it seemed, as time passed, the ice between he and his son seemed to thaw. They spoke often of Leia, and how Ren's daughter did remind them both distinctly of her. Ben turned out to be a bit sulky, like his father, but in rare moments of sunshine he smiled and laughed and it seemed to turn the whole world on it's ear. 

Rose came to visit, and so did Holdo, and Rey realized after the year had passed that she was exactly the sort of happy she had not been expecting to be nearly two years ago when she'd married a near stranger. It was hard to think of him as such now, but she'd grown so much that she realized she hardly knew that girl. 

That night, she put the twins down in the nursery. They had been mostly sleeping through the night, and she was glad to find that they fell asleep quite easily after an active day. Her husband was out of town, and she did not expect him back that night, therefore when she heard the door of their bedchamber open, she was surprised to find him standing there. He was covered in dust from the road, and he looked tired, but he smiled when he saw her curled up in his chair by the fire with a book in hand. 

"You're home early," She said, setting the book aside.  
"Yes, sleeping away from you doesn't suit me," He said, shrugging out of his coat and hanging it aside.  
"You should have left your boots at the door," She teased, watching him take them off.  
"What is it they say about marriage? Is it about accepting flaws?"  
"Oh, tosh," She muttered, though she found herself uprooted from her chair as he came over and picked her up as if she was nothing. She slid her arms around his shoulders, inhaling in the scent of him as his mouth encompassed hers. 

He set her to her feet, keeping her near. 

"You smell terrible," She said, wrinkling her nose, though she didn't find it unpleasant.  
"What, you don't prefer me sweaty and dusty?"  
"Hmph," She intoned, unbuttoning his clothing and sliding it away from him. "I'll call for a bath,"  
"Stay for a moment," He said, keeping his arms viced around her. 

They kissed, much like they had when they had first discovered that they actually liked one another. Rey was breathless before long, her thoughts foggy. She felt as if she hadn't gotten quite enough of him in the past year, but she had supposed it was what came with having children, though they had gotten quite good at stealing moments together when no one was looking. 

She pulled back after a few long moments, looking into his sometimes amber colored eyes. 

"Are you happy, wife?"  
"Yes, I'm afraid I am. Dreadfully,"

❦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks! 
> 
> i'm all out of ideas for AUs, but i'm always willing to accept requests so if you love the idea of an au and you haven't seen it out there yet, shoot me a message and i might write it. otherwise, i think this might be it for me for a time, unless i get struck with inspo again. thanks again to all of you who stuck with it through the end, and thanks for all of your support! i wouldn't have had as much fun as i did writing this without your encouragement and comments!
> 
> maybe i'll write a sequel to this where i send ren off to war, if enough people ask...i dunno


End file.
